[Intro] I am a grown man I am not particularly small I can stare into the abyss And barely blink at all I can construct monstrosities From nightmares and anatomy I can contemplate catastrophe With unsettling tranquility But introduce eight legs And suddenly I reconsider reality [Verse 1] I have witnessed horrors that would traumatize the brave Imagined creatures crawling from the architectural grave I can manufacture nightmares with meticulous detail And discuss their anatomy without beginning to wail I can design a monster with a mouth full of teeth Give it claws, give it wings, make it crawl underneath I can describe its behavior with scientific precision Then encounter one spider and abandon my position Because apparently courage has a highly specific limit And that limit has eight legs moving incredibly in it I can confront imaginary demons without hesitation But terrestrial arachnids trigger immediate evacuation [Chorus] I am a big young man I am supposed to stand tall But when something has eight legs I suddenly become very small I can construct horrors I can make nightmares crawl But let a spider skitter near me And I retreat from it all Eight legs Eight reasons I am leaving Eight little limbs And suddenly I am grieving Call me brave Call me fearless I will gladly accept the compliment Just keep the spider Several continents away from me [Verse 2] Then there was Terry Terry was a spider Terry did not announce himself Terry simply skittered That movement was offensive A rapid violation of space An accelerated little nightmare With entirely too many legs to place I saw Terry Terry saw me We established mutual hostility immediately I retreated with dignity At least that is what I tell myself There may have been considerable panic But that detail remains classified I could have fought him I could have captured him I could have demonstrated dominance Instead I reconsidered my entire relationship with the floor Because spiders do not walk They appear to teleport horizontally One moment they are there The next they are somewhere they absolutely should not be [Pre Chorus] And do not tell me He is more afraid of me That argument has never helped I am aware of the size difference I simply do not care [Chorus] I am a big young man I am supposed to stand tall But when something has eight legs I suddenly become very small I can construct horrors I can make nightmares crawl But let a spider skitter near me And I retreat from it all Eight legs Eight reasons I am leaving Eight little limbs And suddenly I am grieving Call me brave Call me fearless I will gladly accept the compliment Just keep the spider Several continents away from me [Verse 3] However There is a fascinating condition A strange psychological transition That occurs when the spider is deceased If it has stopped moving If the evidence is conclusive If I have personally verified Its complete and permanent lack of movement Then suddenly We can negotiate I might approach it From a considerable distance With the cautious curiosity Of a man examining forbidden evidence I might even name it Jerry Perhaps Jerry Berry If the occasion demands additional dignity Because once the legs stop moving The terror becomes strangely sentimental Look at Jerry He was a spider He lived a life He made some choices He skittered He frightened me beyond reason And now he is receiving a name That is progress [Bridge] I will not touch him Let us establish boundaries I will not pick him up I am not a lunatic But I might point at him And say That is Jerry Berry And everyone will understand That I have achieved emotional closure [Final Chorus] I am a big young man I am supposed to stand tall But when something has eight legs I suddenly become very small I can construct horrors I can make nightmares crawl I can invent creatures That would terrify you all But Terry skittered And I fled the scene Because fictional terror Does not move quite like the real thing Eight legs Eight reasons I am leaving Eight little limbs And suddenly I am grieving But if he is dead And I know he is dead Then perhaps we can be friends instead Hello Jerry Hello Berry Hello Jerry Berry You were horrifying alive [Outro] I fear no monster That exists inside my imagination I fear no nightmare That I personally create But somewhere out there A spider is currently walking And I would like to formally request That it stops
