No Access To Me by Coco Moanikeala

[Intro — spoken, over Rhodes and soft kick] My heart was racing as my mom was chasing every word that you were trying to say — but I don’t accept the man that you’re trying to portray because it’s fake. --- [Verse 1 — half-spoken, half-sung, mid-tempo] Maybe you do wanna be that man maybe you wanted to live up to who you thought I wanted to see but you couldn’t be that man so you ran away ‘cause you couldn’t solve your own fucking problems. Every distraction was your reaction of your patterns — just chaos, chaos, chaos. Every “look over here” was a “don’t look at me” — I see you. --- [Hook — sung, warm and low] I’m tired of shooting fucking skittles up into your black cloud. I’m tired of shooting fucking skittles up into your black cloud. Colors don’t grow in the dark, baby — and I ain’t feeding the storm no more. --- [Verse 2 — spoken, tempo picks up] You do this everywhere you go — you changed your name ‘cause you thought you could change who you were, but it ain’t in the name, it’s in you. It’s in the light that shines through you — or the light that don’t. You can’t make a change unless you really fucking wanna make a change, and you can’t take accountability and chase it with a but. You just voided out your whole situation. That whole AI was nothing but you sayin’ “accountability, leadership” — but you were the fucking victim. That’s what you read. That’s what you read to all of us. You read that you were the victim — “poor me, look what I’m going through” — bro, we all have traumas. But you can’t steal other people’s traumas and dress ’em in your own funky-ass clothes. --- [Hook — sung, stronger] I’m tired of shooting fucking skittles up into your black cloud. I’m tired of shooting fucking skittles up into your black cloud. Colors don’t grow in the dark, baby — and I ain’t feeding the storm no more. --- [Bridge — spoken, slow, direct] I am no longer your fucking reflection that you can reflect off of. When I left that conversation — that was because you don’t fucking have access to me. You don’t have access. You don’t have access. You don’t have access to me. --- [Verse 3 — sung, softer, spiritual] I used to be the mirror — you’d look at me and see who you wished you were. But I turned it around, baby, now the glass is facing you and the light I was giving was mine the whole time. I walk with intention. I live aloha. I be pono — pono to me first. That’s the ceremony you couldn’t hold. That’s the crown you couldn’t wear. That’s the light you couldn’t carry — so now you carry your own dark without me. --- [Outro — spoken, over fading Rhodes] No more skittles. No more mirror. No more access. I left the call — ’cause the call was never mine to hold. I’m home. Zoey’s asleep. The chapters post at ten. And you — you can read your AI to the empty room. I got my own voice. Always did.