Geriatric Girlfriend

I got candies in my purse, And opinions on the weather, I got a bad knee Help I've fallen over. Got a cardigan, looking sharp, Got a coupon for dinner, Medication in the morning, But I’m still a winner. Don’t you go chasin’ girls Who can’t cook soup, I got a walker with wheels And a church support group. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, I reached maximum senescence I got soft shoes, strong tea, And fifty years of common sense. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, Sweet as a butterscotch tin, You bring the flowers, I’ll bring the ointment, And we’ll rub each other in. Nightclub? oh no no no, Love, I got bingo, I can flirt with one wink And a Werther’s Original. My hips make a sound When I stand up too quick, But I can still outdance you To an old 45 hit. Don’t you want a lady Who knows how to plan? I got emergency tissues And a little hand fan. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, I'm heavily dependent I got a walker with wheels And thirty years of common sense. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, It's more fun with memory loss, You bring the roses, I’ll bring the heating pad, We’ll turn the nigh light off. My back says no, And my back says no, My glasses are lost, Where are my glasses, baby? Watch Jeopardy, I know every nurse, Watch Jeopardy 7PM Watch Jeopardy Wanna show you off To all of my friends, I know I asked you three times Where my phone went again. Dang kids in the yard, They make so much noise, Fall asleep by nine-thirty Like dangerous girls and boys. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, In the old folk's home I got house shoes, blood thinners, And a place that we can go. I’ll be your geriatric girlfriend, Wrinkly old skin, You bring the blanket, I’ll bring the dentures Wait, no, those stay in. Come on, dear, don’t make me chase you. I absolutely will. But it’ll take a minute.