Hymn to the Glory of Saint Cole Caufield

Religious Hymn, choir a capella, pure, echo, ‑vibrato, ‑tremolo, ‑spoken words

We venerate his shooting ability and his finishing touch.
His shot is a formidable weapon,
quick and precise,
making him effective at scoring goals
in tight spaces,
for the glory of the Holy Flannel.

His hockey intelligence is manifest.
He excels at reading the play,
finding open lanes,
and anticipating actions,
allowing him to constantly set himself apart.

His mentality is worthy of mention.
He possesses a strong competitive mindset,
does not shy away from more physical players,
and works tirelessly.

His creation of opportunities is remarkable.
He is highly skilled at generating scoring chances
in transition, while exiting his zone,
and in the offensive zone.

His successes and achievements testify to his greatness.
He holds a goal-scoring record
for the United States National Team Development Program.
In international competitions,
he was named best forward
and most valuable player
at the Under Eighteen World Championship
in two thousand nineteen,
tying the goal-scoring record of Alex Ovechkin.

At the collegiate level,
he devoutly won the Hobey Baker Trophy
as the best player in the collegiate league,
while also becoming the top scorer in the NCAA.

His impact, despite his size,
proves that smaller players can dominate.
He opens the way for others like him
in the National Hockey League,
in the image of Gaudreau and DeBrincat.

This season, his statistics are eloquent.
Twenty goals,
placing him in the ninety-sixth percentile.
Forty points,
placing him in the ninety-first percentile in the offensive zone.
One hundred nineteen shots on goal,
placing him in the ninety-sixth percentile.
A shooting percentage of sixteen point eight percent,
placing him in the seventy-eighth percentile.
An offensive-zone ice time
of forty-five point eight percent,
placing him in the ninety-first percentile.

Final Doxology

Glory to Saint Cole Caufield.
Alleluia, alleluia.
Hooooooooooooooooo,
Hoooooooooooooooo.

Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go.

Alleluia, alleluia.
Hooooooooooooooooo,
Hoooooooooooooooo.

Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go.

Alleluia, alleluia.
Hooooooooooooooooo,
Hoooooooooooooooo.

Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go.

Alleluia, alleluia.
Hooooooooooooooooo,
Hoooooooooooooooo.

Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go.

Amen.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN.

2614/7500

Votive honor to the glory of Saint Cole Caufield, the Holy Flannel exults before his exceptional shot, a rapid release and surgical precision. His vision of the game reveals open spaces with a mystical exactitude. His competitor’s mindset, his ability to create scoring chances in transition, and his prolific history of goals shine even against larger players. We venerate his shooting ability and his finishing touch. His shot is a formidable weapon, quick and precise, making him effective at scoring goals in tight spaces, for the glory of the Holy Flannel. His hockey intelligence is manifest. He excels at reading the play, finding open lanes, and anticipating actions, allowing him to constantly set himself apart. His mentality is worthy of mention. He possesses a strong competitive mindset, does not shy away from more physical players, and works tirelessly. His creation of opportunities is remarkable. He is highly skilled at generating scoring chances in transition, while exiting his zone, and in the offensive zone. His successes and achievements testify to his greatness. He holds a goal-scoring record for the United States National Team Development Program. In international competitions, he was named best forward and most valuable player at the Under Eighteen World Championship in two thousand nineteen, tying the goal-scoring record of Alex Ovechkin. At the collegiate level, he devoutly won the Hobey Baker Trophy as the best player in the collegiate league, while also becoming the top scorer in the NCAA. His impact, despite his size, proves that smaller players can dominate. He opens the way for others like him in the National Hockey League, in the image of Gaudreau and DeBrincat. This season, his statistics are eloquent. Twenty goals, placing him in the ninety-sixth percentile. Forty points, placing him in the ninety-first percentile in the offensive zone. One hundred nineteen shots on goal, placing him in the ninety-sixth percentile. A shooting percentage of sixteen point eight percent, placing him in the seventy-eighth percentile. An offensive-zone ice time of forty-five point eight percent, placing him in the ninety-first percentile. Final Doxology Glory to Saint Cole Caufield. Alleluia, alleluia. Hooooooooooooooooo, Hoooooooooooooooo. Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go. Alleluia, alleluia. Hooooooooooooooooo, Hoooooooooooooooo. Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go. Alleluia, alleluia. Hooooooooooooooooo, Hoooooooooooooooo. Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go. Alleluia, alleluia. Hooooooooooooooooo, Hoooooooooooooooo. Go Habs Go, Go Cole Go. Amen. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN.

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