Uncle Ned, the Meddling Uncle Uncle Ned, with his hat and cane, At every dinner, he’s hard to restrain. Jokes and jabs, in perfect array, He’ll embarrass you in the politest way! “Pass the pudding, but not too sweet, Or I’ll declare it a sinful treat. Who cooked this mash? Was it boiled too long? I’d do it better, but I’m not wrong!” “Mind the chairs, they squeak too loud, And don’t you dare serve peas uncowed. The gravy’s thin, the bread’s too thick, Aunt Mary, bless you, your skills need a fix!” “Who’s dating who? I must inquire, You’re too pale, have you eaten your squire? Oh, the cat’s on the table again? Fetch it at once, or I’ll complain!” “More tea? Less sugar? Which is best? I’ll judge your choice, and give no rest. Don’t stir it clockwise, counter is fine, If done wrong, the Queen might decline!” He critiques the roast but tastes no meat, Knows everyone’s secrets, oh so sweet. A wink, a nudge, a gentle shove, He’s meddling daily, yet we all love! “Bring me a scone, but cut in three, Jam on the left, cream on the knee. And a glass of wine, not too cold, I’m not that old… yet bold!” “Could someone fetch my monocle? And tell me why the lights flicker so? Oh, and check my chair, it’s slightly bent, The table’s crooked, or so I’ve meant!” “Tell me, young Tom, how many girls? And did you wash your socks, or swirl? Aunt Patty’s hair is far too neat, If I styled it, it’d be a feat!” “Who left the door wide open, pray? And why is the butter running away? Do mind your manners, but not too much, Or I’ll declare it a social touch!” He critiques the roast but tastes no meat, Knows everyone’s secrets, oh so sweet. He bumps your glass, he winks, he grins, A meddling uncle who always wins! Uncle Ned, with his hat and cane, At every dinner, he’s hard to restrain. Jokes and jabs, in perfect array, He’s the king of meddling in the gentlest way! “Now who will fetch my invisible cake? And pour the tea for goodness’ sake? No need to answer, I’ll do it myself, A meddling uncle, of infinite stealth!”
