Snow on the fairway, blood on the tee, Santa’s swingin’ iron like a cursed machine. Elves in the rough scream “FORE!” in fear, Rudolph’s hiding in the cart, chuggin’ gingerbread beer. Black-ice greens, frozen breath in the night, Santa lines a drive like he’s ready to fight. Ball takes off like a blizzard missile, Cracks through a snowman’s skull like a holiday chisel. Jingle bells tremble… The North Pole shakes… When Santa winds up… Somebody breaks. Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Swingin’ that club like the world’s come undone! Candy-cane driver and a reindeer run, Santa’s bringin’ doom to the back-nine, son. Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Christmas carnage on the par-3 fun. Snowstorm screamin’ while the sleigh bells drum, No mercy when the big man swings that club. Frostbite fingers on the putter grip tight, Santa taps a birdie like a demon in white. Mrs. Claus heckles from the icy bleachers, Yells, “Sink that putt, you jolly old creature!” Goblins in sweaters serve cocoa shots, Krampus caddies with a bag full of knots. The leaderboard’s painted in peppermint red, Santa’s killin’ every course record dead. Jingle bells tremble… The fairway moans… He’s makin’ bogeys… Out of your bones. Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Swingin’ that club like the world’s come undone! Candy-cane driver and a reindeer run, Santa’s bringin’ doom to the back-nine, son. Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Christmas carnage on the par-3 fun. Snowstorm screamin’ while the sleigh bells drum, No mercy when the big man swings that club. “Line it up… Grip it tight… Drive that ball into the night… HO-HO-HOLY HELL…… That’s goin’ right through somebody’s skull.” Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Santa’s drivin’ like a blizzard with a gun. North Pole nightmare where the tee-off’s done, Every Christmas starts with a death-swing thrum. Ho-ho-HOLE IN ONE! Snow drips red when the course is won. Deck the halls… FORE! Here he comes, Santa’s wrath in a backswing… HO-HO-HOLE IN ONE!
