[Verse 1] Suit’s too tight, cape’s dragging in the street Bought my armor on a clearance rack last week Smoke a cigarette, stare off like I’m deep But I’m just tired and running on three hours of sleep Got a scanner app blaring on my phone Hear a scream? Guess I better go alone Kick the wrong door, dude’s eating ice cream Oops… false alarm, but I still broke his TV screen [Pre-Chorus] I keep saying I’m the savior of the night But every time I show up, something don’t go right [Chorus] I’m a shitty Batman, shadow in a thrift-store suit Trip on my own cape, land face-first in someone’s roof I say I’m out here hunting monsters in the dark But innocent people keep catching all my sparks I’m not the hero that you scream for when you’re scared I’m just the guy who lights a smoke and pretends he cares [Verse 2] See a mugger, yeah, I’m ready for the fight Swing from a fire escape — miss the ledge by a mile Knock out the victim and the crook runs free Leave a business card: “Justice was here (kind of)… that was me” Spray paint logo on the alley’s broken wall Slogan says, “Fear me,” but I mostly just fall Every punch line, every one-liner I rehearse Ends with someone going home in an ambulance first [Pre-Chorus] I keep telling myself they’ll write my name in stone But every crime scene’s mostly me screwing up alone [Chorus] I’m a shitty Batman, bargain-bin dark knight Half the time I’m saving no one, just starting fights I say I’m out here cleaning evil off the streets But it’s the bystanders that always take the heat I’m not the hero that the city thinks it needs I’m just a guy in black who’s high on cracked beliefs [Bridge] (Spoken, half-laughing) Yeah, I know, I’m the punchline, not the legend in the rain But if I don’t show up tonight, will anybody feel safe again? (Sung) Sirens in the distance, I light another smoke Tell myself I’m justice while I cough and joke Cape’s full of holes, mask smells like glue But without this broken suit I don’t know what I’d do [Breakdown] I’m not okay — but I look cool in the dark I’m just a walking, talking misfired spark You call it tragic, I call it style Collateral damage in denial [Final Chorus] I’m a shitty Batman, legend with a lazy slouch Blood on my boots from every time that I miscount I say I’m hunting all the predators at night But I hit the wrong door more than I get it right I’m not the hero that your mama told you ‘bout I’m just the dude on the rooftop, stressed out I’m a shitty Batman, king of secondhand capes If I’m the city’s last hope… Yeah, this place is screwed either way [Outro – spoken, exhaling smoke] Guess that’s justice… or something like it.
