(Intro) (Ad-libs, heavily layered and breathy, over a single, sustained chord) Mmm... Yeah. (Sigh) I hate that I do this... Oh... (Verse 1) You keep telling me that I’m the prize you been lookin' for Say you never had nobody this real before I believe you, baby, that's the scary part, see 'Cause everything that's good in my life, I gotta crash it, sadly You leave your clothes on the floor and I don't even care You cook my favorite meal, run your hands through my hair But that peace, it feels unstable in my chest, yeah I'm addicted to the struggle, to the stress, gotta test it. (Pre-Chorus) So I pour myself a little more, turn my phone off Say I need space, say I need a second to call it off And I watch the way your face falls when I get cold Just to see if your promise is something to hold. Are you gon' stand ten toes down, or you gon' fold? (Chorus) (Vocals become slightly clearer, but still delicate and high) I push you away, and I hate it I make it hard for you to stay, but I fake it 'Cause if you leave me first, then I don't gotta feel the fall It's just my trauma answering the call, yeah Baby, I’m just waiting for the day that you say "I'm through" And every terrible thing I do is me preparing for you to. That’s why I push you. (Verse 2) You try to hold my hand in the store, but I pull it back 'Cause every time I let somebody close, they never look back And I can’t risk that sting again, the silent, empty room So I build up all these walls inside, gotta make my own tomb Tryna find a flaw in you, any single reason to go So I can leave before the seeds of love really start to grow Tellin’ all my friends that we’re fighting, even though we’re fine Gotta keep a buffer zone between your life and mine. (Pre-Chorus) So I pour myself a little more, turn my phone off Say I need space, say I need a second to call it off And I watch the way your face falls when I get cold Just to see if your promise is something to hold. Are you gon' stand ten toes down, or you gon' fold? (Chorus) I push you away, and I hate it I make it hard for you to stay, but I fake it 'Cause if you leave me first, then I don't gotta feel the fall It's just my trauma answering the call, yeah Baby, I’m just waiting for the day that you say "I'm through" And every terrible thing I do is me preparing for you to. That’s why I push you. (Bridge) (Beat slows, almost a half-time feel. Vocals are high and desperate) Tell me how to fix the part of me that doesn't trust the sun Tell me why the finish line feels worse than where it all begun When you walk out the door, I wanna scream, "Don't go too far!" But I just watch the lock click, like I don't know who you are. (Guitar riff repeats slowly) I'm so tired of these defense mechanisms... But they save me every time... or so I think... (Chorus) I push you away, and I hate it I make it hard for you to stay, but I fake it 'Cause if you leave me first, then I don't gotta feel the fall It's just my trauma answering the call, yeah Baby, I’m just waiting for the day that you say "I'm through" And every terrible thing I do is me preparing for you to. That’s why I push you. (Outro) (Fades with layered, airy ad-libs over the fading 808) Push you... mmm... Keep testing, keep testing... Hope you fail the test, so I can be right... (Silence)
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