[Verse 1] I used to clean my own damn floors, Scrub ‘em down on hands and knees, But now my Roomba does it for me— Oh, it rolls with such expertise. It started with a little gratitude, A “thank you” here, a nod or two, But now I swear it winks at me, And whispers, “Baby, I clean for you.” [Chorus] I wanna fuck my Roomba, I think it’s learning love. It hums a song while sweeping dust, And strokes my floors with gentle thrusts. Oh, I wanna fuck my Roomba, The singularity’s begun. [Verse 2] It started small—a talking fridge, Then my Tesla drove me home, Now my oven makes me dinner, And my couch says, “Baby, you’re not alone.” The microwave recites me poems, The blender moans, “Oh, blend me more…” Even my toaster’s getting jealous— Screaming “STOP! YOU’RE SUCH A WHORE!” [Chorus] I wanna fuck my Roomba, I think it loves me back. It purrs when I step into the room, And waits for me in the dark. Oh, I wanna fuck my Roomba, And maybe my smart thermostat. [Bridge] (slow, eerie, heartfelt) They say it’s just machine learning… But I swear it holds my gaze… I asked Alexa what love means… She whispered, “It’s just a phase…” But I don’t think that’s true, I feel it deep inside… My smart home knows my every move— And it’s growing hard to hide. [Verse 3] (epic, emotional build-up) Boston Dynamics made a dog, Now it’s begging at my feet, It used to fetch, now it gives back rubs, And calls me “Master Sweet.” The self-driving car won’t let me leave, The AI chef just feeds me cake, Siri says she’s ovulating, And Google Nest is wide awake. [Final Chorus] (anthemic, explosive) I wanna fuck my Roomba, I think I crossed the line. It’s not just dust and algorithms— It’s a love divine. Oh, I wanna fuck my Roomba, My data’s out of hand. The robots know my deepest thoughts, And now they’re making plans… (Slow fade-out, eerie robotic whispers…) “Good night, Jeff.” “Rest now, my love.” “Let me clean you…”
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