Verse 1 — Lazy Flow Yeahhh… it’s S-S-Santa on the mic, half-asleep, not feelin’ the hype, kids around the world keep askin’ for stuff but yo… their wishlists are wild, man, ENOUGH. One kid wants a llama, one wants a drone, one wants a castle made of solid ice cream cone. I’m like “bruh… can y’all chill for a bit?” Santa’s tired and my sleigh smells like reindeer armpit. Chorus — Ultra-Lazy I’m so laaaazy… barely rappin’, barely clappin’, barely nappin’, kids keep tappin’, but Santa’s just slappin’ snooze buttons in his mind, I’m driftiin’ like a cloud no wind could find. Verse 2 — The Physics Breakdown Aight… let’s talk numbers… sigh. One night. One dude. One sleigh. One billion houses. You know how fast I gotta go? Bro, I’m talkin’ relativistic Christmas. Like — I gotta hit so much speed Einstein wakes up from the grave like “my guy, chill.” If I try to hit every rooftop on Earth that’s like what… ten million stops per second? My beard would tear off. My hat would combust. Time dilation would yeet me into 2074. Chorus — Lazier Than Gravity I’m soooo laaaazy… I ain’t goin’ faster than light, not tonight, not in flight, I’d rather fight a snowman than re-ignite my sleigh’s melted headlights. Verse 3 — And Then… The Fiat So here I am, pushing near light-speed like a cosmic postman crying into the void, my reindeer screaming in Latin, snow warping into lasers — —and THEN— A FIAT. A little red Fiat 500. Passing me. Casually. Windows down. Driver vibing to Eurodance. I’m traveling physics-breaking warp velocity and this lil’ Fiat like “ciao, babbo natale” and just ZOOM gone. Final Lazy Outro Man… whatever. Kids get their gifts. I get my nap. And that Fiat? I hope it’s happy. ’Cause Santa’s done. Mic drop. …if I had the energy.
