Stories with Cheddar 15 - Vellendron - Always Use a Bear Bag

[Intro]
[male voice begins speaking]
Go. Okay, so this is back when I was in Scouts. Make all you fun- all the fun you want, I don't care. So, when we were in Scouts, there was this one kid who was like the definition of the most hick, backwoods country that you could possibly get. Bucktooth, always came in with overalls, one strap hanging off, and had the thickest accent. He always talked about hunting, and most of us are, you know, from, you know, in town or places where we can't really do that, so we're just like listening to him tell these stories and we're all just like, sometimes I feel like half of his stories are bullshit. So, we go to summer camp. And about midway through the week, you know, we're- we're able to get like snacks and stuff and bring them in. Our parents usually visit us and like bring like zucchini bread, was what I always wanted and always got, and always had like several loaves of it. And our Scoutmaster, he was ex-military, he was in Desert Storm. So, he'd always taught us all the things that they had to do when they did like special covert ops and stuff, so he's like, okay. During the night, especially in a wooded area, you definitely want to keep all of your food and all your stuff up in a bear bag up in a tree so animals don't get to it. Well, while we all listened and were like, alright, I don't want my zucchini bread stolen, he was like, no, I think I'm gonna keep all my stuff in my bag 'cause I've been hunting enough and I've never been bothered by anything in the woods. Kept telling him, uh, you might want to put that up because, uh, you're gonna get your shit stolen. But he refused. So, unbeknownst to us, he had a- about, I don't know, a box of Twinkies, a massive bag of sunflower seeds, and some other random things in there. And it's about 2:00 AM in the morning. You could hear a pin drop. No wind through these pine trees deep in the woods. And out of nowhere, you just hear, "Hey! Who's got my sunflower seeds!" We're like, what in the absolute fuck was that? So we're all rushing out of our tents, and we just see him damn near butt naked trying to like put his boots on and run out into the middle of the woods. And all you see is flashlights just streaming everywhere, and suddenly they lock onto this little tiny creature, a raccoon, running on two legs carrying his bag of sunflower seeds off into the woods. And you see him run off after it. And we're all dying laughing, we can't fucking stand up. And you just see him tripping over himself, trying to put his boots on, running into the woods, tripping over branches, and just yelling profanities left and right. About five minutes pass, he's gone. We don't know where he went, he just took off. About five minutes later, he comes back with this like ratty, torn-up bag with like three seeds left in it, and he's look- looks like he's about to fucking cry. He's like, "Man, I was saving them seeds. I was so ready for those and the damn 'koon took my sunflower seeds." Like, oh Jesus Christ. So after that, he learned to put his food up in the bear bag.

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[Intro] [male voice begins speaking] Go. Okay, so this is back when I was in Scouts. Make all you fun- all the fun you want, I don't care. So, when we were in Scouts, there was this one kid who was like the definition of the most hick, backwoods country that you could possibly get. Bucktooth, always came in with overalls, one strap hanging off, and had the thickest accent. He always talked about hunting, and most of us are, you know, from, you know, in town or places where we can't really do that, so we're just like listening to him tell these stories and we're all just like, sometimes I feel like half of his stories are bullshit. So, we go to summer camp. And about midway through the week, you know, we're- we're able to get like snacks and stuff and bring them in. Our parents usually visit us and like bring like zucchini bread, was what I always wanted and always got, and always had like several loaves of it. And our Scoutmaster, he was ex-military, he was in Desert Storm. So, he'd always taught us all the things that they had to do when they did like special covert ops and stuff, so he's like, okay. During the night, especially in a wooded area, you definitely want to keep all of your food and all your stuff up in a bear bag up in a tree so animals don't get to it. Well, while we all listened and were like, alright, I don't want my zucchini bread stolen, he was like, no, I think I'm gonna keep all my stuff in my bag 'cause I've been hunting enough and I've never been bothered by anything in the woods. Kept telling him, uh, you might want to put that up because, uh, you're gonna get your shit stolen. But he refused. So, unbeknownst to us, he had a- about, I don't know, a box of Twinkies, a massive bag of sunflower seeds, and some other random things in there. And it's about 2:00 AM in the morning. You could hear a pin drop. No wind through these pine trees deep in the woods. And out of nowhere, you just hear, "Hey! Who's got my sunflower seeds!" We're like, what in the absolute fuck was that? So we're all rushing out of our tents, and we just see him damn near butt naked trying to like put his boots on and run out into the middle of the woods. And all you see is flashlights just streaming everywhere, and suddenly they lock onto this little tiny creature, a raccoon, running on two legs carrying his bag of sunflower seeds off into the woods. And you see him run off after it. And we're all dying laughing, we can't fucking stand up. And you just see him tripping over himself, trying to put his boots on, running into the woods, tripping over branches, and just yelling profanities left and right. About five minutes pass, he's gone. We don't know where he went, he just took off. About five minutes later, he comes back with this like ratty, torn-up bag with like three seeds left in it, and he's look- looks like he's about to fucking cry. He's like, "Man, I was saving them seeds. I was so ready for those and the damn 'koon took my sunflower seeds." Like, oh Jesus Christ. So after that, he learned to put his food up in the bear bag.

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