[Verse 1: Auctioneer-chant male MC, rolling chant, gavel-crack snare] Saturday at Kessler's on the side of Route Nine Got a dead man's attic and a crowd in a line I can sell a moose head to a vegan in a hat I can sell a broken clock and get a bid back on that Ten-dollar bid, now fifteen, fifteen, who'll gimme twenty Twenty-dollar bid, now twenty-five, I got plenty Words come off my tongue like a horse out the gate Nine seconds a lot, and I never run late But behind me at the table with the tickets and the pen Sits a woman named June, and I go dumb again Six years at her table, and I never said hello Man who talks for a livin', and my mouth won't go [Hook: auctioneer-chant male MC, gavel-crack] Goin' once, goin' twice, I got the gavel in my hand I can sell you any lamp, any rug, any land But there's one thing in this hall that I never could price Hold your number up, darlin', goin' once, goin' twice [Verse 2: auctioneer-chant male MC, faster filler chant, the baritone guitar chugging] I can sell a dented trophy to a man who never won Sell a sunlamp in July to a man in the sun Forty-dollar bid, who'll gimme fifty, fifty, sixty, now go Sixty-dollar bid, now seventy, I'm givin' you a show But then June hands a ticket, and our fingers touch once And I sell a grandfather clock for a dime like a dunce Every Saturday the same, I'm a pro till she's near Then the fastest mouth in the county can't get one word clear Crowd thinks I'm a legend, and I am, I suppose But a legend with a crush is a fool in good clothes [Hook: auctioneer-chant male MC, gavel-crack] Goin' once, goin' twice, I got the gavel in my hand I can sell you any lamp, any rug, any land But there's one thing in this hall that I never could price Hold your number up, darlin', goin' once, goin' twice [Verse 3: auctioneer-chant male MC, the chant at full speed] Last lot of the day, and it's lot ninety-one Little ring in a box, and the bidders are done Nobody wants a ring from a stranger's estate So I bought it myself at the openin' rate Then I pick up the gavel, and I start up the chant And the whole hall leans in, and my knees say I can't [Chant Decode: auctioneer-chant male MC, the chant turns into the question] Hey, bidda-bidda will ya, will ya, will ya marry, marry Marry me, June, now, will ya, will ya, I don't wanna tarry Who'll gimme June, now, June, will ya be my wife Goin' once, I'm askin', goin' twice, for life [Outro Verse: auctioneer-chant male MC, the gavel-crack snare slamming] And she looks up from the tickets for the first time in six years Holds her number up high, and the back row cheers Bring the gavel down so hard that it cracks the stand "Sold to the lady at the table," and I'm takin' her hand [Hook: auctioneer-chant male MC, gavel-crack] Goin' once, goin' twice, I got the gavel in my hand I can sell you any lamp, any rug, any land But there's one thing in this hall that I never could price Hold your number up, darlin', goin' once, goin' twice [End]
