Sadistic Mystics

[Intro] You ever get the feeling that somebody's fuckin' with you? Nah...not somebody...'somethings' who only you swear are true? Like replacin' contents of your pockets with somethin' nasty or real fuckin' weird. Gotta check 'em all...PoOf...no wallet or keys...huh? Is this my 4th grade teachers beard? (Yuck) [Verse One - Abra] Wake up in the mornin', got some oatmeal steamin' in my bowl. Turn around for a second, the table became a game of whack-a-mole. (Huh...?) Little yellow fuckers stealin' my shit, slippin' in and dippin' out with more of my stuff. Saw 'em in moms closet feelin' how bras fit, almost had one but wasn't fast enough. One night chillin' with my chick I was goin' in for a kiss no way I could miss... Next think I know I'm lockin' lips with a Machamp lookin' pissed it made me kiss every fist... (Ooof) Lookin' down from a tree laughin' at me in all my lumped up shattered pride. Felt myself shift suddenly I'm in the tree too high to be jumped...Abra's smilin' wide. (Pfft) [Hook] Abra! Lil' bastard yellow and short always so quick to dip...PoOf...teleported... (Poof) Kadabra! Might stab ya... naw... Prolly nab ya spoons and bring 'em back contorted. Alakazam, lookin' pretty sick with that 'stache...that goon turned me into a prune the popped me like a balloon... (Pop!!!) Twisted like my silverware they're virtually immune...can't get rid of this mustard yellow spoon baboon. (God damn...) [Verse Two – Kadabra] Seems those Abra got promoted and the nonsense leveled up as well... Kadabra, racoon tail terrorist with twice as many ways to bring you hell. On my way to work...something took the wheel but didn't know how to drive. Must be that Kadabra jerk...the tires loudly squealin', drifting through traffic I hope I will survive. As soon as I walk through the door I realize this place isn't the same as it was before... Used to be a grocery store...not any more...now it's full of Abra's...gotta be 500 if not more. (Ouch) I turned and ran as fast as I can in hopes of escaping though I doubt I will... Just noticed I feel like I'm sprinting but Kadabra has me stayin' still...sidewalk rollin' like a treadmill. My life is a nightmare can't live through another god damn magical sham...why won't they scram? Kadabra was hot on my heels but stopped, coughed, then in a flash evolved into Alakazam! (Oh damn) Now I'm boned, yeah I'm totally fucked... Shit man you have no clue... There is no limit to the horrid shit this big fuckin' asshole can do to you... [Hook] Abra! Lil' bastard yellow and short always so quick to dip...PoOf...teleported... (Poof) Kadabra! Might stab ya... naw... Prolly nab ya spoons and bring 'em back contorted. Alakazam, lookin' pretty sick with that 'stache...that goon turned me into a prune the popped me like a balloon... (Pop!!!) Twisted like my silverware they're virtually immune...can't get rid of this mustard yellow spoon baboon. (God damn...) [Verse Three – Alakazam] Here came Big Daddy Alakazam. King shit of this fucked up magic show. Lord of mental warfare and master of time too, speeds up reality but makes you move twice as slow. Master of the long game, hand in the bag before you even decided to share. Then convince you his hand was never even there, crunchin' chips he must have gotten outta thin air. He don't prank for laughs he breaks minds for pleasure...like Insanity's a drug. His pranks are the kind that have you question reality or just turn you into a bug. Spent six months as a cockroach in a room full of violent old men tryna crush me with their shoe. Every time I dodged an attack I began to shrink while each shoe rapidly grew... (Whoa) Till one day I woke up as myself but saw my cockroach self dead on the floor... I just kicked it under the bed so I didn't have to see myself as a dead bug anymore. But before I could head out the door I heard a crack and a big kick to the back. (Fuck...) Now it's me versus me and I'm not about to lose to me and we both attack. World went black as we fall back both knocked each other out cold... Slipped off and dreamt of my dad but he didn't seem old...just carried a spoon and he was colored completely gold. (Huh...) [Outro - Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam] Abra... Kadabra... Alakazam... Breakin' all the rules cause they don't give a damn... Andy... Theodore... Or was it Sam? Makin' it impossible to remember who I am... Telekinetic rhetoric teleporting pranksters castin' madness... damn... Those dudes are slick. Spoilers of milk curdled thick and poop in the toothpaste... I'm gonna be sick... You can never follow their tracks they'll just slip through the cracks. Get used to compromised snacks and spoons bent to the max.