[intro] I couldn’t care less (Oh, no, no) That’s all I came to say I haven’t thought about it once Since several times today (Yeah, several times today) [verse 1] I care less than the crumbs beneath the toaster Less than which way round the toilet roll should go (Which way does it go?) Less than the lonely sock behind the dryer That disappeared a dozen years ago I care less than the terms and the conditions (Ain’t reading those) Less than page eleven of a takeaway menu Less than the little plastic table in a pizza box And slightly less than I care about you (Ooh, that’s cold) [pre-chorus] I measured every feeling I checked from east to west I found the lowest possible amount Then somehow cared still less Still less Oh, here we go [chorus] I couldn’t care less (Care less!) I checked, then checked again There’s nothing underneath the nothing There’s no lower number left If caring was a staircase I’d be somewhere past the steps I’m not saying I don’t care No, no, no I couldn’t care less Whoa-oh-oh I couldn’t care less [verse 2] I care less than the second “r” in February (Feb-roo-what?) Less than instructions printed on shampoo (Rinse and repeat?) Less than weather in a town I’ll never visit Or a stranger’s dream from nineteen ninety-two My concern was several atoms short of measurable It failed to move the needle on the test (Not even close) They sent the findings out for independent study The experts independently cared less (They cared less) [pre-chorus] They searched the deepest ocean (Down, down, down) They launched a satellite They found no trace of sympathy By Wednesday afternoon at five Not a trace Everybody testify [chorus] I couldn’t care less (Care less!) I checked, then checked again There’s nothing underneath the nothing There’s no lower number left If caring was a staircase I’d be somewhere past the steps I’m not saying I don’t care I couldn’t care less [bridge] When the final star burns quietly And time has lost its depth When the universe is empty I will somehow care still less Still less! Still less! Oh-oh-oh-oh [breakdown] I haven’t thought about it Since twenty-seven past eleven (No, I haven’t!) I only wrote this entire song To clear up the confusion This orchestra means nothing That choir is merely here (Ooh-ahh, ooh-ahh) To emphasise how thoroughly You’ve disappeared Gone! Completely gone! Mostly [final chorus] I couldn’t care less (Care less!) Let history attest I gathered all the evidence And filed a formal request If caring had a basement I’d be underneath the depths I’m not saying I don’t care No, no, no I couldn’t care less Whoa-oh-oh-oh I couldn’t care less You’re not living in my head You’re just permanently addressed I’m not saying I don’t care I couldn’t care less! [outro] Less than the warranty On a disposable fork (Much less) Less than this conversation Which I’m prepared to discuss At length But I don’t care No, I don’t care I couldn’t care less [end]
