[INTRO - Theremin + Sploosh SFX] News Anchor Voice: Breaking news! Scientists create... Jell-O! ...plorp. [VERSE 1] Born in a beaker, on a Tuesday night, Dr. Jenkins left his lunch out overnight, Ham on rye and a petri dish of goo, They kissed, they fused, they said "a-choo!" It jiggled awake with a gurgle and a grin, A Tupperware T-Rex with a chin-chin-chin-chin, Ate the rubber gloves, ate the lab coat, Ate the grant proposal and the sticky note that wrote: "WASH YOUR DISHES, JENKINS!!" [PRE-CHORUS] It was a zero, now it's a hero, Of the midnight fridge-raid fear-o, It don't need a fork, it don't need a knife, It just rolls up and eats your life! [CHORUS] Oh-oh, here comes THE GLOB! Polka-dot, Pepto-Bismol, lava-lamp slob! Gobble-wobble, slobber-bobble, knock-kneed knob, He's a one-man, no-plan, all-you-can buffet mob! Hide your hotdog, hide your corn on the cob, He's got a tummy like a black hole and he's on the job - Oh Lord! It's The GLOB! [VERSE 2] Rolled down to Main Street, quarter past two, Ate the barbershop and the barber too, Ate the barstool, ate the bar, Ate the neon sign that said "DIVE BAR." Sheriff said "Freeze!" Glob said "Thaw!" Sheriff said "Stop!" Glob said "More raw!" Ate his badge, ate his belt, ate his Chevy truck, Left the air freshener 'cause it tasted like bad luck. Oh, he's got a minor in diner-ology, A major in you-ology, A PhD in chews-ology, Cum laude in "Ooooh, free food!" [VERSE 3 - The Montage] He ate the laundromat, soap and suds, He ate the bikers and their leather duds, He ate the library, Dewey Decimal, Ate 800s - now he speaks subliminal. He ate the Stop sign - so we couldn't stop, He ate the clock tower - so the time just dropped, He ate the rumor mill - so the gossip flopped, He ate the welcome mat - so nobody knocked. [CHORUS 2 - Bigger Harmonies + Handclaps] Everybody run! It's THE GLOB! Jiggle-monster, wiggle-monster, wobble-bob! Ate the preacher, ate the choir, ate the organ knob, Burped out a hymn in E-flat minor - what a snob! He's a shag-carpet shoggoth, a heartthrob slob, A gelatinous gigolo doing his one-man job - Oh my God! It's The GLOB! [BRIDGE - Campfire Breakdown, just bass + bongos] Shhh. Listen... He don't chew... he shlorps. He don't walk... he slorps. He don't knock... he absorbs. Through the screen door, under floorboards. He ate the bleachers, he ate the ball, He ate the mascot, fur and all, He ate the water tower - glug and all, Now he's taller than City Hall and the mall! He's a... refrigerator rapturist, A Tupperware terrorist, An omnivorous opportunist, With a taste for your tourist pamphlet. [BREAKDOWN - The Wordplay Spill] He's a globular gourmand, A smorgasbord warlord, A bottomless Lord of the Boards! A pantry evangelist, A snack-crack cannibalist, A second-breakfast analyst! He ate consonants, now he talks in vowels, "Oooooo Aaaaaa Eeeeee" down the backroads, He ate the alphabet soup - now he burps in prose, "Excusez-moi" in cursive burps! From microbe to macro, From mayo to macro-beast, From hors d'oeuvre to host, From side dish to the MAIN FEAST! [VERSE 4 - Last Town Standing] I saw him eat my double-wide, My lawn gnome and my bride's pride, My truck, my dog's chew toy, My kid's skateboard and my ex-wife's boyfriend - oh boy! He licked up Lover's Lane, Slurped the train off the track from Maine, Ate the billboard that said "JESUS SAVES," Then ate the church that paved the way! [FINAL CHORUS - Full Monster Choir + Key Change] OHHHH - HERE COMES THE GLOB!!! Annexation by mastication, what a slob! He ate the highway, ate the exit ramp lob, Ate the whole damn map, still throbbing - GLOB! He ate the moon, he ate the stars, He ate the Milky Way and Mars bars, He ate the credits and the guitars, And then... he ate himself 'cause nobody could top... THE GLOB! [OUTRO - Tiny Voice from Inside the Blob] ...hello? Is anyone in here? ...oh wow, is that my cousin Steve? Steve, did you get eaten too? ...BURRRRRP. plop.
