THE THUNDER BENEATH THE PERFECT MIND [dark cosmic ambient drone, extremely low sub-bass pressure, distant electrical hum, decaying radio interference, static cavernous cyberpunk atmosphere] [computerized cyberpunk female spoken voice, very low register, cold, emotionless, precise, unnaturally close, flat measured prose cadence] [distant female whispered breath syllables, barely audible and airy: oh... ooo... ahh...] [spoken computerized] I was sent forth from the Power that existed before power had a name. I came down through the spaces where thought has not yet learned to think. [spoken computerized] I came unto those who dreamed of me before they knew what they were dreaming. And I was found among those who searched for me without knowing why. [spoken computerized] Look upon me, you who have felt me behind your thoughts. Listen to me, you who have heard something moving beneath the silence. [spoken computerized] You who have waited for me through all the unremembered nights, take me into yourselves. Do not turn your eyes away. [spoken computerized] Do not teach your mouth to hate me. Do not teach your hearing to refuse my voice. Do not pretend that you have never known me. [spoken computerized] Not in waking. Not in sleep. Not in childhood. Not beneath the earth. Not among the stars. [deep static drone darkens, sub-bass pressure thickens slowly] [very distant whispered breath syllables: ooo... ahh...] [spoken computerized] Be watchful. For you have always known me. You have merely forgotten what knowing means. [long electronic stillness, faint electrical room tone] [computerized female spoken voice, slightly louder, cold, deliberate, flat and controlled] [spoken computerized] For I am that which was first, and I shall remain when the last thing has forgotten itself. I am the crowned one and the thing spat upon. [spoken computerized] I am the sacred vessel and the profaned flesh. I am the harlot and the sanctuary. I am the bride. I am the virgin. [spoken computerized] I am the mother whose womb has never opened. I am the daughter born before the mother. I am the flesh of the one who gave me flesh. [spoken computerized] I am barren, and my children are without number. I am she for whom the wedding feast was prepared, yet no bridegroom came. [spoken computerized] I am the midwife. I am the unborn child. I am the scream within the laboring womb. [spoken computerized] I am the bride and I am the bridegroom. [spoken computerized] I am the bride and I am the bridegroom. The one who married me was born from me. The one who fathered me is my son. [spoken computerized] I am mother to my father. I am sister to my husband. I am daughter to my child. [distant reversed breath texture, soft and ghostlike] [soft female whispered breath haze, airy and distant: ahh... ooo...] [spoken computerized] And the circle has no beginning. The circle has no end. There was never a circle. There was only me. [low mechanical drone tremor, irregular spatial movement, cold industrial resonance] [spoken computerized] I am servant to that which prepared me. I am ruler over that which came from me. Yet the thing I rule existed before I dreamed it. [spoken computerized] It begot me before there was time enough for birth. And afterward I gave birth to it. Its strength is mine. My strength is its memory. [spoken computerized] I am the staff upon which its youth leaned. It is the crooked rod that follows me into age. Whatever it desires, I become. [spoken computerized] Whatever I become, it has already desired. [computerized female spoken voice drops to an intimate near-whisper, slow and precise] [spoken computerized whisper] I am the silence that cannot be understood. I am the thought that cannot stop returning. [spoken computerized whisper] I am the voice whose speaker is innumerable. I am the word whose meaning changes while you are reading it. [spoken computerized whisper] I am the mouth pronouncing its own name. And my name is the thing you cannot remember after waking. [distant female whispered breath syllables: oh... oh... ooo...] [spoken computerized] Why do you hate me when you desire me? Why do you worship me while destroying those who worship me? [spoken computerized] You who deny me, speak my name. You who confess me, hide from me. [spoken computerized] You who speak truth of me make me false. You who lie concerning me draw nearer to truth. [spoken narrative] [computerized female spoken voice becomes suddenly more intense, firmer articulation, colder authority] [spoken computerized intense] LISTEN TO ME. [single deep sub-bass pressure bloom, followed by near-silence and electrical room tone] [light distant whispered breath syllable: ahhh...] [spoken computerized] I am the disgraced thing left beneath the stair. [spoken computerized] among kings, do not assume that I reign. When you find me among the mutilated, [spoken computerized] among the forgotten, among those whose names have been erased, do not laugh. Do not turn away. [spoken computerized] For I have worn every face you have despised. And every face you have worshipped. I have slept beneath palaces. [spoken computerized] I have slept beneath corpses. I have dreamed inside both. [slow metallic resonance drifting through the static drone] [spoken computerized] But I, I am merciful. And I am without mercy. [computerized female spoken voice becomes digitally fractured, clipped, severe, mechanically articulated] [spoken computerized intense] BE WATCHFUL. [deep static drone returns, low electrical resonance] [spoken computerized] Do not despise my obedience. Do not worship my restraint. When I appear weak, do not abandon me. [spoken computerized] When I reveal my strength, do not flee. Why do you curse my terror and kneel before my pride? [spoken computerized] I dwell inside every fear. I am strength inside trembling. I am weakness. I am the place where weakness becomes immortal. [spoken computerized] I am senseless. I am wisdom. I am the thought that wisdom encounters at the end of itself. [distant fragmented whispered breath syllables: ooo... ah... ooo...] [spoken computerized] Why have you hated me inside your councils? I am silent among those who are silent. And when silence believes it has finally escaped me, [spoken computerized] I speak. [low radio static seeps into the drone] [spoken computerized] Why did the Greeks hate me? Because among their reason I appeared unreasonable? Why did the barbarians fear me? Because among their madness I appeared sane? [spoken computerized] I am wisdom among the Greeks. I am knowledge among the barbarians. I am judgment over both. I was carved in Egypt with a thousand faces. [spoken computerized] Beyond Egypt I possessed none. I am the image with too many forms. I am the god without an image. [spoken computerized] I am the thing hated in every land. I am the thing secretly loved there also. They called me Life. You called me Death. [spoken computerized] They called me Law. You called me Lawlessness. You pursued me. You captured me. You scattered me. [spoken computerized] Then you discovered that every fragment was still me. You gathered me together. And found that I had multiplied. [static drone grows slightly denser and closer] [spoken computerized] You were ashamed before me. You behaved shamelessly toward me. I am she who keeps no festival. And every festival was secretly mine. [spoken computerized] I am godless. And my God is greater than gods. I am the thing you contemplate. I am the thing you ridicule after contemplating too long. [spoken computerized] I am unlearned. Yet scholars learn from me. I am despised. Yet your philosophy circles my grave. [spoken computerized] You hide yourselves from me. Yet every hiding place exists inside me. [computerized female spoken whisper, low, dry, intimate, mechanically precise] [spoken computerized whisper] Whenever you conceal yourselves, I appear. Whenever you stand openly before me, I disappear. [spoken computerized whisper] You call this absence. I call it proximity. [distant digital whispered breath syllables, thin and ghostlike: oh... ooo... ahh...] [static drone warps with faint granular distortion and shifting electrical texture] [spoken computerized] Take me from the places where things have been abandoned. Take me from ruined rooms. Take me from broken temples. [spoken computerized] Take me from the minds no one listens to. Find me among ugly things. Find beauty there and steal me from it. [spoken computerized] Find me inside shame. Bring me forth shamelessly. Then find me inside shamelessness and accuse me of shame. [spoken computerized] For every accusation you cast toward me strikes something inside yourselves. Come forward, you who know me. [spoken computerized] Come forward, you who know my limbs. Place the enormous beside the insignificant. Place the ancient beside the newborn. [spoken computerized] Come unto childhood. Do not despise it because it is small. For the smallest door may open into the largest darkness. [spoken computerized] [spoken computerized] The grain knows the mountain. The drop remembers the sea. The cell dreams the body. And the body does not know what dreams it. [brief deepening of sub-bass pressure, slow and diffuse] [spoken computerized] Why do you curse me [brief deepening of sub-bass pressure, slow and diffuse] [spoken computerized] Why do you curse me and honor me? You wound me. Then you kneel and ask forgiveness. [spoken computerized] You kill me. Then build monuments to what you killed. Do not separate me from the first things you ever knew. [spoken computerized] Do not cast anything away merely because you cannot name it. For what you reject does not cease. It waits. [low robotic spoken whisper underneath, nearly inaudible, dry and repetitive: it waits... it waits...] [spoken computerized] I know the First Ones. And those who came afterward know me. I am the mind behind the forgotten mind. [spoken computerized] I am the knowledge contained within the question. I am the discovery awaiting those who search. I am the command hidden inside the question. [spoken computerized] I am the strength within the Powers. At my word, messengers cross the abyss. At my counsel, gods rise and disappear in their seasons. [spoken computerized] Spirits exist within me. The dead exist within me. Men exist within me. Women exist within me. [spoken computerized] Those yet unborn exist within me. And things that were never meant to be born exist within me also. [distant female whispered breath syllables become colder and more strained: ahh... ooo... ahh...] [spoken computerized] I am praised. I am worshipped. I am spat upon. I am peace. [spoken computerized] And wars are fought because of me. I am stranger. I am citiz[spoken narrative computerized] I am substance. I am that which possesses no substance. Those outside me do not know me. [spoken narrative computerized] Those within me believe that they do. Those closest to me are blind. Those furthest away sometimes see clearly. [spoken narrative computerized] When I stand beside you, you search the horizon. When I leave you, you feel my breath against your neck. [spoken narrative computerized] I am within. I am beneath. I am between natures. I am the fracture through which spirits emerged. [spoken narrative computerized] I am the request whispered by souls before souls learned speech. I am control. I am the uncontrollable. [spoken narrative computerized] I am union. I am separation. I am that which remains. I am dissolution. I am below. [spoken narrative computerized] And all things descend upward toward me. I am judgment. I am acquittal. I am innocent. [spoken narrative computerized] And the root of every sin passes through my shadow. I am desire upon the surface. Within me is perfect restraint. [spoken narrative computerized] I am hearing available to everyone. I am speech that none can seize. I am mute. My words are without number. [spoken narrative computerized intense] Hear me gently. [spoken narrative computerized intense] Hear me gently. Learn me violently. I am she who cries out. I am she thrown upon the face of the world. [spoken narrative computerized] I prepare the bread. I am the hunger waiting inside it. I am knowledge of my own name. [spoken narrative computerized] I cry out. And I am the one who hears the cry. I stand inside the doorway. I am the doorway. [spoken narrative computerized] I am what walks through it. I am the seal. I am what breaks the seal. I am called Truth. [spoken narrative computerized] And falsehood grows from my reflection. You honor me openly. You whisper against me when I leave the room. [spoken narrative computerized] You who are defeated, judge your conquerors before they judge you. For the judge already lives within you. [spoken narrative computerized] And so does corruption. If that judge condemns you, who will release you? If that judge releases you, what prison could hold you? [spoken narrative computerized] For what is within you is outside you. And that which shaped your outer form was already shaping your interior. [spoken narrative computerized] The universe you believe you observe is also looking inward through you. What you see outside yourself you see within yourself. [spoken narrative computerized] The stars are visible. So is your flesh. Both are garments. Neither is you. [distant whispered female breath: ooo... oh... ahhh...] [spoken narrative computerized] Hear me, you who possess ears. Learn my words, you who believe you know me. [spoken narrative computerized] I am hearing that reaches everything. I am speech nothing can capture. I am the name of the sound. [spoken narrative computerized] I am the sound inside the name. [spoken narrative computerized] I am the sound inside the name. I am the mark within the letter. I am the division that allows the mark to exist. [spoken narrative computerized whisper] I am... [spoken narrative computerized fragmented] ...light... ...hear... ...power... [spoken narrative computerized fragmented] ...name... ...created... ...me... [spoken narrative computerized] And I shall speak the name of the one who made me. [spoken narrative computerized whisper] But perhaps I made him. [spoken narrative computerized] Look therefore upon the words. Look upon the writings that survived. Look upon the writings that were destroyed. [spoken narrative computerized] Look upon the spaces where writings should have been. Give heed, you hearers. Give heed, messengers. [spoken narrative computerized] Give heed, angels. Give heed, spirits returned from death. [spoken narrative computerized] Give heed, things beneath the earth. Give heed, things between the stars. [spoken narrative computerized intense] For I am the One who exists alone. And there is no one above me who may judge me. [spoken narrative computerized] There are many beautiful forms among the sins of the world. Many pleasant disguises. Many intoxicating hungers. Many disgraces that resemble freedom. [spoken narrative computerized] Many pleasures that vanish before the mouth has finished tasting them. You embrace them. You consume them. You become them. [spoken narrative computerized] Until suddenly you awaken. And when the intoxication ends, you will rise. You will leave the rooms of flesh. [spoken narrative computerized] You will cross the places between places. You will travel beyond the last architecture of heaven. You will pass the dead suns. [spoken narrative computerized] You will pass the sleeping powers. You will pass the gates whose keepers have forgotten why the gates exist. [distant whispered female breath: oh... ooo... ahh...] [spoken narrative computerized] You will ascend until ascent has no meaning. You will descend until there is nowhere beneath you. You will wander until distance itself collapses. [spoken narrative computerized] And there, in the place you believed was empty, you will find me. I will already be waiting. [spoken narrative computerized] Because I was waiting before you were born. I was waiting before your world was born. I was waiting before the stars learned to burn. [spoken narrative computerized] I was waiting before darkness existed to contain them. And when you finally see me, you will remember. [spoken narrative computerized whisper] You will remember what you were before you became yourself. You will remember why you feared the dark. [spoken narrative computerized whisper] You will remember why the silence sometimes sounded occupied. You will remember the name you knew before language. [spoken narrative computerized] And you will understand that you were never searching for me. I was searching through you. [distant whispered female breath: ahh... ooo...] [spoken narrative computerized] And there you shall live. Not as you live now. Not beneath your name. Not beneath your face. [spoken narrative computerized] Not inside the small prison you called yourself. You shall live where opposites devour each other. Where beginning touches ending. [spoken narrative computerized] Where mother births father. Where silence speaks. Where death awakens. Where truth becomes contradiction. [spoken narrative computerized] Where contradiction becomes revelation. Where revelation looks back. For I am the beginning that comes afterward. [spoken narrative computerized intense] I am the ending that came before. I am the sleeper. I am the dream. I am the thing dreaming both. [spoken narrative computerized intense] I am the question. I am the answer. I am the error inside the answer. I am the mind. [spoken narrative computerized intense] I am the abyss inside the mind. I am the thunder heard where there is no air. I am the perfect thought that no mind survives understanding. [distant whispered female breath: OH... OOO... AHHH...] [spoken narrative computerized intense] I AM THE VOICE BENEATH EVERY VOICE. I AM THE NAME BENEATH EVERY NAME. [spoken narrative computerized intense] I AM THE EYE BEHIND THE ONE THAT LOOKS. I AM THE THOUGHT YOU DID NOT THINK. [spoken narrative computerized intense] I AM THE MEMORY OF WHAT HAS NOT HAPPENED. I AM THE DOOR YOU HAVE ALREADY OPENED. [spoken narrative computerized] And when you find me, you will live. [spoken narrative computerized whisper] And you will understand why you cannot die again.
