beep …Hi. It’s me. I got your voicemail. I’ve listened to it more than once… which I probably shouldn’t admit, but there we are. I didn’t know your number still worked until it lit up my screen. And for a second I just sat there. Not moving. Not breathing properly. Just staring at your name like it shouldn’t still exist in my phone after all this time. You sounded like you. That’s the strange part. Not older. Not distant. Just… you. Like time didn’t really know what to do with you either. I remember that café. I remember the rain, and you pretending you were fine without your jacket and failing miserably at it. I remember laughing at you because it was easier than admitting I cared. And I remember thinking you were going to be one of those people I’d forget easily. I was wrong about that. Very wrong. (…longer pause…) When you said you tried to forget me… I need you to know something properly. I didn’t forget you either. I just got better at acting like I had. There’s a difference, I think. Or at least there is when you’re the one still lying awake sometimes remembering things you pretend don’t matter. You weren’t just… a phase. Or a mistake. Or something small. You were real. And that’s why it stuck. That’s why it still sticks. But I also need to say this, because otherwise I’ll just disappear into the same feeling again and I can’t do that: We didn’t end because it meant nothing. We ended because we didn’t know how to hold something that mattered without breaking it. And I don’t think either of us handled that well. Not then. Maybe not even now. I’ve wondered about you too. Not constantly. Not in some dramatic way. But in quiet moments. The kind where nothing’s really wrong, and then suddenly you remember someone and everything shifts for a second. That was you for me. Still is, sometimes. (…long pause…) I don’t know why you called. And I don’t know what you want this to turn into. But I’m glad you said it out loud. Because I think we both spent a long time not saying anything at all. You mattered to me too. More than I ever managed to explain properly back then. And hearing your voice again… didn’t undo that. It just confirmed it. (…pause…) But I can’t promise anything comes from this. I don’t want us to fall back into something unfinished and call it healing. We’d need to be honest about what we are now… not what we were. (…breath…) Still… I’m here. I heard you. And I remember. That’s all I’ve got. Take care of yourself. …yeah? beep
