Alarm went off at six. I heard it. I just couldn't make myself move. [Verse 1] Got the shower running cold while I'm sitting on the tile, Told my boss I'm on my way, haven't stood up in a while. There's a sandwich in the fridge from the lunch I never ate, And a birthday card from someone I keep meaning to repay. I can clock in, tell a joke, get the paperwork complete, Then spend twenty minutes staring at a receipt across the seat. Everybody says I'm busy, so I let them think it's true, It's easier than explaining all the things I cannot do. Used to love the drive at night with my favorite album loud, Now I turn it off halfway; even music wears me out. I can smile for a picture, I can answer, “How's your day?” With a well-rehearsed “It's good,” then have nothing else to say. [Pre-Chorus] If you ask me where I've been, I can tell you where I went. But I can't explain the distance Between living and being present. [Chorus] I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! You can see me, you can speak to me. I do the things I'm meant to do, But none of it gets through to me. I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! Got a whole day I can barely feel. If I tell you that I'm doing fine, Please ask me if it's real. [Instrumental Post-Chorus] [Verse 2] Look, I know I'm lucky, got a paycheck, got a bed, That's the speech I give myself whenever I can't lift my head. Got a list of tiny errands turning mountainous by noon, One unopened envelope can wreck an afternoon. I get angry at the dishes, then ashamed that I got mad, Then I miss a friend's invitation and convince myself I'm bad. Can't explain it with a reason; there was nothing that went wrong, Just a morning taking all the strength I thought would last me long. And I hate the little lecture playing back inside my brain: Other people have it harder, so you haven't earned this pain. That's a terrible equation, but I solve it every day, Keep subtracting what I need till there's nothing left to say. I'm not refusing to be happy. I just can't reach it when I try. [Chorus] I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! You can see me, you can speak to me. I do the things I'm meant to do, But none of it gets through to me. I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! Got a whole day I can barely feel. If I tell you that I'm doing fine, Please ask me if it's real. [Instrumental Break] [Breakdown] I GOT UP! I WENT TO WORK! WHY DOES THAT STILL FEEL LIKE FAILURE?! I MADE THE CALL! I PAID THE BILL! WHY CAN'T I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER?! DON'T TELL ME WHAT I OUGHT TO FEEL! JUST SIT WITH ME UNTIL I CAN! [Bridge] My sister sent a message: “Don't need a reason. Want some food?” I almost typed, “I'm busy,” Then I told her what was true. “I don't have much to offer. Can you come and sit awhile?” She said, “I'll bring the dinner. You don't have to make me smile.” [Final Verse] She didn't fix the morning, didn't turn my life around, Just put two plates upon the table and let the evening settle down. I told her I was frightened by how little I could feel, She said, “We can find some help. You don't have to prove it's real.” Tomorrow might be difficult; I won't pretend it's cured, But I made a little space for someone else to hear the words. [Final Chorus] I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! And tonight somebody stayed with me. I don't know how to feel okay, But I don't have to fake it perfectly. I'M HERE, TECHNICALLY! Maybe that's enough for tonight. I told someone the truth at last, And she didn't say goodbye.
