Invisible Invoice - Eli Rowan | Soul Blues Song About People Pleasing

[Verse 1] I never asked you for a thing At least that’s what I used to say I gave my time, I gave my word I gave a little more each day Stayed when I was tired Showed up when I was spent Told myself that love was free While keeping track of what I meant I never sent a bill Never named a price But somewhere in my heart I kept the numbers every night [Pre-Chorus] Every favor had a shadow Every yes had something due And I blamed you for a balance You never knew [Chorus] I was sending invisible invoices To an address in my mind Charging interest on the silence Adding years to every line You never saw the total Never signed your name But I kept waiting for repayment And calling disappointment pain I was sending invisible invoices For a debt you never made [Verse 2] I thought if I was useful You would know what I was worth Thought if I kept giving You would somehow give it back first A little more attention A little more regard Maybe if I carried enough You’d finally see how hard I’d been trying To be easy to love And how strange that sounds When you finally say it out loud [Pre-Chorus] I called it generosity Called it loyalty and grace But sometimes I was giving Just to earn a safer place [Chorus] I was sending invisible invoices To an address in my mind Charging interest on the silence Adding years to every line You never saw the total Never signed your name But I kept waiting for repayment And calling disappointment pain I was sending invisible invoices For a debt you never made [Bridge — stripped down] A gift ain’t a gift If there’s a number underneath Love ain’t love If it has to prove belief And kindness gets bitter When it’s hiding a demand I wanted you to understand me Without ever helping you understand That was the part I didn’t want to see Some of the debt I thought you owed Was really mine to me [Pause] For every time I said “I’m fine” When I needed to speak For every time I gave away What I didn’t have that week For every time I called it love When I was scared to draw a line Maybe the longest unpaid balance was mine [Final Chorus — warm gospel lift] No more invisible invoices No more hidden little scores If I give, I want to mean it If I need, I’ll ask for more If it costs me, I’ll say it If it hurts, I’ll tell the truth I don’t need you paying debts You never knew were due No more invisible invoices No more waiting in the dark I can give without disappearing I can love without keeping marks And if I hand you something freely Then it’s free That’s what it means [Outro — quiet] I tore up the ledger Kept the lesson And finally let you leave owing me nothing.