(Intro — A phone ringing. Once. Twice. Voicemail beep. Static. A shaky breath.) Some calls you don't forget... Some calls you can't forget... Some calls replay every time the room gets quiet... (beat drops — slow, heavy, like a heart that forgot how to beat right) --- Death ain't a concept when you've heard it Ain't a philosophy when you've felt the words slip Through the receiver, through your fingers, through your chest Ain't no lesson in the world prepares you for that mess I don't talk about it 'cause what's there to say "I heard someone die" — now watch their face change They get uncomfortable, they change the subject quick But I can't change the channel on the memory — it sticks They say time heals — that's a lie sold by the comfortable Time just teaches you to function with the unfunctional Time just teaches you which mask to wear at which event Time just teaches you how deep the absence really went And I'm tired of pretending that it's all processed Tired of acting like my head ain't still a hot mess Tired of "sorry for your loss" like loss is past tense Loss is present, loss is permanent, loss makes no sense --- Grief made me hollow, then hollow made me hungry Tried to fill the void with anything that'd love me Attention from women, validation from strangers Traded my self-worth for temporary anchors But anchors don't float, they just drag you down slower And I was drowning in plain sight — a master performer No sex — that's a boundary I kept through the chaos Even when my mind was lost, my body stayed sacred But everything else? Fair game, fair pain Used people like mirrors to reflect back my name --- Then betrayal hit different when it came from close quarters When the person who healed you becomes the one who distorts ya I don't trust easy — wonder why that is Maybe 'cause trust is just a setup for the ambush Maybe 'cause every time I let my guard down Someone proves exactly why the wall stays up now Got the proof in my hands, couldn't unsee that Now every "I love you" sounds like a sneak attack Every friendship feels like a pending case file Waiting for the evidence that proves it's all bile --- I built walls so high I can't see over 'em I built a heart so cold I can't feel closure in Anything, anyone, any word, any touch I've been numb so long I forgot what feeling was But the memories don't go numb — they stay sharp They cut through the static like a blade in the dark Alex's voice still echoes in my quiet moments The betrayal still sits in my chest like a component That I can't remove, can't improve, can't undo Just a permanent reminder that people ain't true --- This the ill mind of Nathan The part that's still waiting For an apology that won't come For a peace that I ain't tasted I'm not asking for your pity I'm not saying I'm the victim I'm just saying that the damage Has a way of making systems In your head that don't shut off Thoughts that never get lost Memories that play on loop While you try to cover up the cost --- Some days I wanna call and just hear the voicemail Some days I wanna scream but my throat fails Some days I wanna trust but my brain derails Some days I'm still that kid getting crushed by the details Of a world that don't stop for your grieving A world that says "move on" while you're still bleeding A world that asks "what's wrong" but don't want the answer Unless the answer is clean and wrapped up like a cancer That got caught early — but mine's terminal And I'm learning how to live with the infernal --- (Outro — Phone hanging up. Dial tone. A shaky breath. A whisper.) Some calls you don't forget... Some calls replay forever... Some voices never leave your head... Alex... I'm still here... Wish you were too... (dial tone fades) (silence)
