[Intro – brushed drums, walking bass, smoky piano, sly trombone] [Verse 1] Found the room online, rent was cheap, Didn’t ask questions, I needed sleep, Only rule was don’t touch their shit, Sounded fine, so I moved right in. Black candles burning every night, Strange folks showing up dressed real tight, Guys, girls, doesn’t make a difference, I make my dinner and mind my business. [Pre-Chorus – piano creeps upward, brass starts prowling] I help ’em keep the files up to date, See who paid and who’s running late, Don’t wanna know what the contracts mean, I just file ’em and keep things clean... mostly. [Chorus 1 – full brass punches, trombone answering the vocal] SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Could you keep it down in there? I got work at eight tomorrow, There are stirrups on the stairs! SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Yeah, I know—you pay your share, Keep your contracts off my table And your clients off my chair. [Short instrumental break – dirty piano and low brass] [Verse 2] Succubus one day, incubus the next, I quit trying to know what to expect, Long as they pay half the bills, They can do whatever the hell they will. Guy came pounding on the door, Didn’t know what he’d bargained for, By the time the trashmen came, I had barely scrubbed the stain. [Chorus 2 – horns getting rowdier] SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Someone’s crying in the stair! I don’t care what happened, Just get ’em out of my hair! SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Your next one’s here again, If they’re staying through the weekend, They can kick in for the rent! [Instrumental turnaround – bass strut, trombone growl] [Verse 3] Friday night gets pretty rough, I put my headphones on and turn ’em up, Saturday morning, clothes everywhere, Somebody sleeping underneath my chair. They’re making coffee, looking pleased, I step around a bowl of keys, By now the screams, the smoke, the skin Barely even register again. [Long sexy trombone solo – slow, slinky, shameless; piano and bass egging it on] [Bridge – band drops low and intimate] Apparently, I’m off limits, And that works fine for me... I guess, Mixing souls and roommates Gets messy-whatever. Finally found a boundary, Something almost sane, I keep to my side of the apartment, And stay out of their game. [Brass swell] [Chorus 3 – big, messy speakeasy energy] SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Can we talk about the goat? There’s a naked guy outside And he’s wearing my coat! SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Come on, give me a break, Do whatever you want all night, Just clean up when you wake! [Brief horn break – trumpet and trombone trade insults] [Final Chorus – full band swinging hard] SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! I can’t keep living like this! But rent is fucking ridiculous, So I guess we coexist! SUCCUBUS ROOMMATE! Fine. Whatever. Get off my back: Stay the hell out of my bedroom And I’ll help you file contracts. [Outro – bass, piano, tired trombone] Found the room online. Rent was cheap. Should’ve asked questions. Needed sleep. Rent comes due every Friday. And somehow, I’m still here. [one last lazy trombone slide]
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