I MADE MYSELF small ENOUGH

rap, horrorcore, electronic, synthwave, industrial, male vocals

V5.5

[Verse 1]

I thought love was something settled,
like a picture on the wall,
something safe enough to stop seeing,
something that would never fall.

I knew the sound of your footsteps,
knew which side you chose in bed,
knew the way you took your coffee,
knew the things you always said.

I knew you.

At least I thought I did.

But knowing someone’s habits
is not the same
as noticing them.

[Pre-Chorus]

You had been leaving
in such small ways,

I mistook the distance
for ordinary days.

[Chorus]

So I made myself small enough
for the world to happen to me,
small enough for only two eyes,
small enough to lose what I couldn’t see.

I gave up everywhere
for here.
Gave up always
for now.

I had to know less
to feel more.

I didn’t understand that then.

[Verse 2]

There was no shattered picture,
no suitcase by the door,
no screaming in the kitchen,
no clothes across the floor.

You just stopped reaching for me
in the middle of the night.

Stopped telling me the little things.

Stopped asking
if I was all right.

Then one evening
you looked at me

with kindness
instead of anger.

And I knew.

[Pause]

Oh God.

I knew.

You can survive somebody’s anger.

It’s the tenderness
of someone letting go
that breaks you.

[Pre-Chorus]

I reached across the distance.

You didn’t move away.

But you didn’t move
toward me either.

And I had never been
so afraid.

[Chorus]

So I made myself small enough
for the world to happen to me,
small enough for only two eyes,
small enough to lose what I couldn’t see.

I gave up everywhere
for here.
Gave up always
for now.

I had to know less
to feel more.

I didn’t understand that then.

[Verse 3]

I started seeing evidence
of everything I’d missed.

The way you paused before you touched me.
The way I hurried every kiss.

How many stories I half listened to.
How many times you let it go.

How often you were lonely
beside someone
you loved most.

I searched for when it happened.

The hour.

The wound.

The day.

But love does not always leave at once.

Sometimes it fades
while both people stay.

[Bridge]

Then you said,

“I don’t know anymore.”

Four words.

That was all.

No thunder.

No broken glass.

Just four words
in the room
where we had built a life.

[Pause]

And suddenly
I remembered everything.

The first time I saw you.

The first time you laughed
with your whole body.

The first night
we stayed awake
because goodbye felt impossible.

The way I used to study your face
when you weren’t looking.

[Pause]

When did I stop looking?

[Instrumental Rise]

I thought I knew I loved you.

I didn’t.

Not like this.

Not until the possibility
of a morning without you

entered the room…

and sat down
between us.

[Final Chorus]

So I made myself small enough
for the world to happen to me,
small enough for only two eyes,
small enough to lose what I couldn’t see.

I gave up everywhere
for here.
Gave up always
for now.

I had to know less
to feel more.

I understand it now.

[Final Rise]

Small enough
to hear your silence.

Small enough
to see your doubt.

Small enough
to finally notice
what I almost lived without.

I thought love was knowing
you would always be there.

Then I almost lost you…

and found out
I had never stopped loving you.

I had only stopped
paying attention.

[Outro]

You didn’t promise to stay.

I didn’t ask you to.

I just sat beside you
like I did
when we were new.

No speech.

No grand solution.

No forever
thrown around.

After a while…

your hand moved.

Just slightly.

Across the space
between us.

[Pause]

I didn’t grab it.

I didn’t pull.

I placed my hand there…

small enough
for you to choose.

[Long Pause]

And you did.

3631/7500

[Verse 1] I thought love was something settled, like a picture on the wall, something safe enough to stop seeing, something that would never fall. I knew the sound of your footsteps, knew which side you chose in bed, knew the way you took your coffee, knew the things you always said. I knew you. At least I thought I did. But knowing someone’s habits is not the same as noticing them. [Pre-Chorus] You had been leaving in such small ways, I mistook the distance for ordinary days. [Chorus] So I made myself small enough for the world to happen to me, small enough for only two eyes, small enough to lose what I couldn’t see. I gave up everywhere for here. Gave up always for now. I had to know less to feel more. I didn’t understand that then. [Verse 2] There was no shattered picture, no suitcase by the door, no screaming in the kitchen, no clothes across the floor. You just stopped reaching for me in the middle of the night. Stopped telling me the little things. Stopped asking if I was all right. Then one evening you looked at me with kindness instead of anger. And I knew. [Pause] Oh God. I knew. You can survive somebody’s anger. It’s the tenderness of someone letting go that breaks you. [Pre-Chorus] I reached across the distance. You didn’t move away. But you didn’t move toward me either. And I had never been so afraid. [Chorus] So I made myself small enough for the world to happen to me, small enough for only two eyes, small enough to lose what I couldn’t see. I gave up everywhere for here. Gave up always for now. I had to know less to feel more. I didn’t understand that then. [Verse 3] I started seeing evidence of everything I’d missed. The way you paused before you touched me. The way I hurried every kiss. How many stories I half listened to. How many times you let it go. How often you were lonely beside someone you loved most. I searched for when it happened. The hour. The wound. The day. But love does not always leave at once. Sometimes it fades while both people stay. [Bridge] Then you said, “I don’t know anymore.” Four words. That was all. No thunder. No broken glass. Just four words in the room where we had built a life. [Pause] And suddenly I remembered everything. The first time I saw you. The first time you laughed with your whole body. The first night we stayed awake because goodbye felt impossible. The way I used to study your face when you weren’t looking. [Pause] When did I stop looking? [Instrumental Rise] I thought I knew I loved you. I didn’t. Not like this. Not until the possibility of a morning without you entered the room… and sat down between us. [Final Chorus] So I made myself small enough for the world to happen to me, small enough for only two eyes, small enough to lose what I couldn’t see. I gave up everywhere for here. Gave up always for now. I had to know less to feel more. I understand it now. [Final Rise] Small enough to hear your silence. Small enough to see your doubt. Small enough to finally notice what I almost lived without. I thought love was knowing you would always be there. Then I almost lost you… and found out I had never stopped loving you. I had only stopped paying attention. [Outro] You didn’t promise to stay. I didn’t ask you to. I just sat beside you like I did when we were new. No speech. No grand solution. No forever thrown around. After a while… your hand moved. Just slightly. Across the space between us. [Pause] I didn’t grab it. I didn’t pull. I placed my hand there… small enough for you to choose. [Long Pause] And you did.

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