Unscripted Chaos (The Grand Tour S02E04)

Staffan JJK Winterdahl blåljus i samverkan

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[Intro]
(Fast frantic punk rock drum roll, loud messy guitar feedback, a sudden aggressive distorted riff kicks in)

[Verse 1]
The critics are complaining that the show is way too planned
That every single joke is written down by someone's hand
So Jeremy gets angry and he throws away the book
"We’re going to Croatia for a completely raw look!"

[Verse 2]
No scripts and no directors, no ideas in the head
Just three old men in cars upon the coastal road instead
They land in sunny Zadar by the blue Adriatic sea
To show the world how natural a motoring show can be

[Verse 3]
Jeremy chooses speed and grip, a modern silver line
An Audi TT RS with a five-cylinder design
It’s fast and it is clinical, it handles like a dream
Ready for the highway with a loud and turbo scream

[Verse 4]
But Richard wants a buggy that can jump across the sand
A purple Ariel Nomad, the strangest in the land
It has no proper bodywork, just tubes of heavy steel
An overgrown go-kart with an aggressive racing feel

[Verse 5]
And James May is a disaster right from the bloody start
He didn't buy a sportscar for his unscripted part
He rolls up in a Lada, painted cream and looking old
The slowest piece of metal that the Eastern bloc has sold

[Verse 6]
They start to drive along the coast without a single plan
"What should we do?" asks Hammond in his purple buggy van
Jeremy says "Let’s race them!" but the Lada cannot move
It has no horsepower inside to try and make a groove

[Verse 7]
James May is left behind again, the engine starts to cough
While Audi and the Nomad simply blast and fly right off
Without a script to guide them, they don't know where to turn
Leaving Captain Slow behind with rubber marks to burn

[Verse 8]
They find a gravel quarry where the dust is thick and white
Jeremy wants to drifting, but the Audi grips too tight
The four-wheel-drive precision means it will not slide around
While Richard in the Nomad jumps and bounces o'er the ground

[Verse 9]
Then James arrives in fashion with a wicked little smile
He’s modified the Lada in a very strange new style
He’s put a water tank inside and ladders on the roof
A tiny Soviet brandbil, of insanity the proof!

[Verse 10]
He tries to put out fires that aren't even there
Shooting water through the window, soaking up the air
Jeremy is shouting that the challenge is absurd
This unscripted television is the worst they’ve ever heard

[Verse 11]
They wander to an airfield where the asphalt’s wide and clear
To do a classic drag race filled with comedy and fear
The Audi leaves the line so fast, it disappears from view
While Richard spins the Nomad tires, burning up the blue

[Verse 12]
And James is in the background, moving at a walking pace
The sirens on the Lada screaming throughout the whole place
It takes a minute flat for him to reach the finish line
Concluding that the unscripted times are definitely not fine

[Verse 13]
They crash into an old film set where movie props reside
Among the broken castles where the actors used to hide
They try to make an action scene with explosions in the back
But everything collapses with a terrifying crack

[Verse 14]
The Lada’s ladder falls right down, the Audi gets a scratch
The whole chaotic episode has met its final match
Three presenters sitting in the Croatian dust and clay
Realizing that the script was needed anyway

[Verse 15]
Back inside the Cotswolds tent, the crowd is laughing loud
At the terrible experiment that shocked the network crowd
They agree that throwing out the book was a stupid thing to do
But the comedy of errors was a treat for me and you

[Verse 16]
In Celebrity Face-Off, the battlefield is clear
Two classical musicians are walking with a cheer
Michael Ball and Alfie Boe are racing for the crown
To see who is the fastest singer inside the British town

[Verse 17]
The seventeenth song is ending, the first big project's done!
From the desert of Nevada to the Mediterranean sun
Seventeen vilda låtar across the seasons line
The Grand Tour truck is rolling, everything is looking fine!

[Outro]
(Fast aggressive punk guitar solo, drum kit smashing wildly, sound of a loud car horn stuck on, ending with a sudden chaotic musical stop and the presenters laughing)

4207/7500

[Intro] (Fast frantic punk rock drum roll, loud messy guitar feedback, a sudden aggressive distorted riff kicks in) [Verse 1] The critics are complaining that the show is way too planned That every single joke is written down by someone's hand So Jeremy gets angry and he throws away the book "We’re going to Croatia for a completely raw look!" [Verse 2] No scripts and no directors, no ideas in the head Just three old men in cars upon the coastal road instead They land in sunny Zadar by the blue Adriatic sea To show the world how natural a motoring show can be [Verse 3] Jeremy chooses speed and grip, a modern silver line An Audi TT RS with a five-cylinder design It’s fast and it is clinical, it handles like a dream Ready for the highway with a loud and turbo scream [Verse 4] But Richard wants a buggy that can jump across the sand A purple Ariel Nomad, the strangest in the land It has no proper bodywork, just tubes of heavy steel An overgrown go-kart with an aggressive racing feel [Verse 5] And James May is a disaster right from the bloody start He didn't buy a sportscar for his unscripted part He rolls up in a Lada, painted cream and looking old The slowest piece of metal that the Eastern bloc has sold [Verse 6] They start to drive along the coast without a single plan "What should we do?" asks Hammond in his purple buggy van Jeremy says "Let’s race them!" but the Lada cannot move It has no horsepower inside to try and make a groove [Verse 7] James May is left behind again, the engine starts to cough While Audi and the Nomad simply blast and fly right off Without a script to guide them, they don't know where to turn Leaving Captain Slow behind with rubber marks to burn [Verse 8] They find a gravel quarry where the dust is thick and white Jeremy wants to drifting, but the Audi grips too tight The four-wheel-drive precision means it will not slide around While Richard in the Nomad jumps and bounces o'er the ground [Verse 9] Then James arrives in fashion with a wicked little smile He’s modified the Lada in a very strange new style He’s put a water tank inside and ladders on the roof A tiny Soviet brandbil, of insanity the proof! [Verse 10] He tries to put out fires that aren't even there Shooting water through the window, soaking up the air Jeremy is shouting that the challenge is absurd This unscripted television is the worst they’ve ever heard [Verse 11] They wander to an airfield where the asphalt’s wide and clear To do a classic drag race filled with comedy and fear The Audi leaves the line so fast, it disappears from view While Richard spins the Nomad tires, burning up the blue [Verse 12] And James is in the background, moving at a walking pace The sirens on the Lada screaming throughout the whole place It takes a minute flat for him to reach the finish line Concluding that the unscripted times are definitely not fine [Verse 13] They crash into an old film set where movie props reside Among the broken castles where the actors used to hide They try to make an action scene with explosions in the back But everything collapses with a terrifying crack [Verse 14] The Lada’s ladder falls right down, the Audi gets a scratch The whole chaotic episode has met its final match Three presenters sitting in the Croatian dust and clay Realizing that the script was needed anyway [Verse 15] Back inside the Cotswolds tent, the crowd is laughing loud At the terrible experiment that shocked the network crowd They agree that throwing out the book was a stupid thing to do But the comedy of errors was a treat for me and you [Verse 16] In Celebrity Face-Off, the battlefield is clear Two classical musicians are walking with a cheer Michael Ball and Alfie Boe are racing for the crown To see who is the fastest singer inside the British town [Verse 17] The seventeenth song is ending, the first big project's done! From the desert of Nevada to the Mediterranean sun Seventeen vilda låtar across the seasons line The Grand Tour truck is rolling, everything is looking fine! [Outro] (Fast aggressive punk guitar solo, drum kit smashing wildly, sound of a loud car horn stuck on, ending with a sudden chaotic musical stop and the presenters laughing)

0/500