Intro — sparse piano, spoken over Rhodes] They keep asking me if I’m a scorned woman. Let me tell you what a scorned woman is. A scorned woman feels deeply betrayed, rejected, disrespected in love or in marriage. Reacts with intense anger. A desire for revenge. (pause) Now let me tell you a story. And you tell me — was I scorned? Or was I relieved? --- [Verse 1 — full band enters softly, storytelling cadence] August, two thousand eight My father Jason closed his eyes Eighteen years ago this month I still hear his goodbye Ten pills of Ativan Handed to a grieving girl Turned into a habit That almost ended my whole world Two years I white-knuckled it Doctors called me crazy Family said I was faking Body said it was hazy Slit my wrist in a blackout Woke up strapped to a bed Family crying at the doorway “Why Coco why” — that’s what they said Two thousand ten I tapered on Valium It hit me like acid on the brain Two thousand thirteen I finally came back Post-acute withdrawal — you don’t know the pain Started at Kaiser, twelve years I gave ’em Three days a week to protect my immune Lupus in my body, war in my cells And I still showed up, morning noon --- [Verse 2 — beat picks up slightly, more drums] Married Michelle, she helped me un-lose Zoey came in twenty-sixteen Rainbow-heart baby, IUI beautiful The best thing I’ve ever seen Divorced but co-parenting Still love her, always will Different chapter, same story The Zoey love — that’s real Twenty-twenty-five hit like a truck June twenty-third, Kaiser incident Hidden camera, coerced resignation Twelve years of loyalty, spent January twenty-six, another door That’s when Bola Head walked in I let him crash, let him stay Thought I was helping a friend I told him from day one — I’m gay He said he understood Pillow in the middle of the bed That was our neighborhood Slept next to him, never with him Saw his Papa Smurf — said nope Went another decade minimum Without a man giving me any hope --- [Hook — sung, low and soulful, minor key] So am I scorned or am I relieved? Am I broken or was I freed? I never wanted what you claimed I need I was just being kind, and you MISread Am I scorned or am I relieved? Am I broken or was I freed? I never wanted what you claimed I need Get my name out your mouth — that’s what I plead --- [Verse 3 — beat drops back to sparse, spoken like reading receipts] You paid the mortgage — that was your rent You paid for groceries — that was fair Everything else, I paid Utilities, TV, barbecue — everywhere Hundred-inch TV you said you’d pay me back Never did Barbecue outside — you said you’d pay me back Never did Two months you used my credit card in Texas and Arizona Overdrew my account “Sorry, sorry, sorry” “My card’s in the mail” — every month a different amount “They sent me the wrong card” Twice? Really? Twice? “Ashley got a hold of my card” “I got hacked” — roll the dice Vegas tickets canceled four times You said the last one charged you a thousand I checked the statement — it was TWO DOLLARS Nine ninety-eight lie, and you knew it Stop lying, bro --- [Verse 4 — drums come back full, more intensity] The line you crossed — the ONLY line You told people Zoey was YOURS My daughter. My rainbow. My whole world And you tried to walk through Mama Bear’s doors THAT’S when the fire came out Not for the money, not for the bed For MY child. For MY name. For everything you said in her stead Now you’re out here spreading rumors Sleeping together — a LIE Telling folks I miss you, I need you Man, I’d rather watch paint dry Dangling DOD to my friend Now it’s airline ground crew in Maui You don’t even work there yourself You gonna hire him from HOW-y? Asking me to write a résumé For a job that doesn’t exist So YOU can look competent While the mark keeps waiting to get his fix Stop asking me to do shit for you I already did EVERYTHING Now everybody’s gonna find out That you did NOTHING Good luck keeping up with what I built --- [Hook — sung again, stronger this time] So am I scorned or am I relieved? Am I broken or was I freed? I never wanted what you claimed I need I was just being kind, and you MISread Am I scorned or am I relieved? Am I broken or was I freed? I never wanted what you claimed I need Get my name out your mouth — that’s what I plead --- [Bridge — beat strips back to piano and voice, tempo slows] My father died in oh-eight Almost took me with him — but I stayed My daughter came in sixteen And I’ve been HERE ever since she was made Kaiser tried to break me Kimo tried to claim me Papa Smurf tried to name me his But I am NOT what they say me I am Koko Daughter of Poliann Granddaughter of Josephine Mother of Zoey Auntie, sister, healer, spy Been through hell and out again Not scorned NEVER scorned Just — relieved. --- [Outro — beat back in, quiet then swells then fades] So don’t call me scorned Don’t call me bitter Don’t call me broken I’m not the loser here — you are the litter I’m the woman who paid every bill Held every child Wrote every résumé Ran e
