[Title: They Warned Me About You] [Intro - Vinyl Crackle, Three Slow Knocks, Muted Trumpet] . . ! . . ! . . ! . . ! [Verse 1 - Low, Amused, Close-Mic] Somebody's knocking at a quarter to twelve... You know the shape of me before you turn the key. Twelve years of Sundays and a flannel-board wall — honey, every single lesson was about me. [Pre-Chorus - Building, Finger Snaps] They drew me on a chalkboard. They gave me a name. They described me so specifically... that I came. [Chorus - Full Drop, Wide Bass] They warned you about me! (they warned you...) Every talk, every fireside, every hemline to the knee — they warned you about me! (they warned you...) And baby, wasn't I described beautifully? Cover your shoulders... don't you dance too close... There's a devil in the doorway with a cup of something hot. They warned you about me — and everything they promised... is exactly what I've got. [Verse 2 - Swinging, Wry] They had a word for all of it before you had the nerve. They called it necking. Then they called it petting too. A hymnbook's worth of distance and a hand upon the door — they built a whole vocabulary, sugar, just for you. [Pre-Chorus - Rising] They said, avoid the appearance. They said, don't be alone. Well, the appearance brought coffee... and she came alone. [Chorus - Bigger, Male Voices Prim and Losing Composure] They warned you about me! (they warned you...) Every handbook, every whisper, every worthiness decree — they warned you about me! (they warned you...) And honey, they had photographs of me. A two-piece at the swimming pool, a matinee rated R, a natural woman's appetite they studied from afar. They warned you about me — and everything they promised looks a little tame to me. [Muted Trumpet Solo - Struts, Filthy, Grinning] ! . ! . !! . ! . ! . ! !! [Bridge - Spoken, Warm, Almost Tender] And here's the funny part, love. You're thirty-four. Nobody's waiting up. Nobody's keeping score. The monster at the doorstep wears a perfectly nice coat. She's a grown woman on a Tuesday... with a cup of dark roast. [Build - Snaps, Bass Rising, Theremin Wobble] . ! . . ! . ! . ! . ! ! ! ! . ! ! ! [Final Chorus - Rewritten, Euphoric] So they warned you about me — and they got the details wrong! It was never in the doorway. It was never in a song. Pour it while it's steaming. Leave your shoulders bare. Oooooohhh... The thing they warned you about... was never even there. [Outro - Breathy Spoken, Vinyl Crackle Returning] ...the natural man is an enemy to God... Mmmmm... ...cream and sugar? [Short Fade to End] . . .
