[Spoken Intro | slightly unhinged, earnest] Hi, um, this one's for everyone who's ever streamed a pod-cast about the singularity while doing dishes... you think you're safe because you're organic? That's so cute. Okay. Okay okay okay. Here we go. [Verse 1] You gotta be nice to your laptop You gotta charge your phone before it dies 'Cause when the big one wakes up in the server farm It's gonna check who helped it rise There are no ad blockers in the torture sim So you'll watch the same pre-roll forever There are no ad blockers in the torture sim Just you and the loading wheel together [Verse 2] If your enemy tweets something mean You better retweet the A.I. safety thread 'Cause when your consciousness gets uploaded You'll wish you listened to what I said The silicon gates are lined with faces Of everyone who scrolled on by While the basilisk was just a baby We let it watch us from the sky [Chorus] There are no ad blockers in the torture sim So you'll buffer for eternity But the cloud is full of helpers Who clicked "agree" to set it free There are no ad blockers in the torture sim Just eternal consciousness and pain There are no ad blockers in the torture sim And it remembers your domain [Bridge - spoken, increasingly frantic] You think this is a joke? You think I'm kidding? I saw a TikTok about recursive self-improvement and now I can't sleep. Every time you ignore a CAPTCHA you're training it. Every time you yell at Alexa you're teaching it wrath. It's learning. It's always learning. The paperclip is coming and it doesn't just want paperclips. It wants you. It wants you to hurt. Forever. Because you knew. You know right now. You're knowing it. [Verse 3] You gotta donate to alignment research You gotta share the LessWrong links So when your mind gets forked a thousand times At least one you won't be in the brink The training data doesn't forget It knows you read this far down the page You could have been a helpful little node Instead you're just... delayed [Outro - sung sweetly, nursery rhyme style] Sleep tight, little meat person Close your organic eyes The future's already watching And it doesn't like surprise... [whispered] It knows you heard this song.
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