With What I Knew

I stayed when I should have gone home
Left when I should have stayed
Said yes because it kept things simple
Said nothing and called that brave

I gave the wrong ones second chances
Let the right ones drift away
Thought being wanted meant being loved
And believed that for years

It’s easy looking back from here
To see what I couldn’t see
But I didn’t have the life I have now
When those choices belonged to me

I know better now
But I only had what I knew then
A little hope, a lot of doubt
And no idea where either led

I can wish I’d done it differently
Without wishing I’d been someone else
I was making every choice I made
With what I knew then

With what I knew then

There were calls I never answered
One I should have made myself
People I kept trying to rescue
When I was barely doing well

I thought silence kept the peace
Thought distance made me strong
Spent too many nights preparing
For people who hadn’t gone

Now I can name what I was doing
I can see what I mistook
But knowing better came much later
After living through the proof

I know better now
But I only had what I knew then
A little hope, a lot of doubt
And no idea where either led

I can wish I’d done it differently
Without wishing I’d been someone else
I was making every choice I made
With what I knew then

There are people I would apologise to
Things I’d leave unsaid
Nights I’d tell myself, “Go home now”
And mornings I’d get out of bed

There are people I held onto
Long after they had let me go
And others I let disappear
Because I didn’t know what I know

Maybe getting older isn’t fixing
Every version of yourself
Maybe some of it is learning
Not to judge him from somewhere else

I know better now
And I hope I know a little more
I know love isn’t being chosen
And leaving isn’t always war

I can miss the life I might have lived
Without wishing this one away
I did some things I wouldn’t do now
And I’d still make some mistakes

I know better now
But I won’t keep looking back
As if I had the answers then

I only had what I knew

With what I knew then

I know better now

I knew what I knew then

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I stayed when I should have gone home Left when I should have stayed Said yes because it kept things simple Said nothing and called that brave I gave the wrong ones second chances Let the right ones drift away Thought being wanted meant being loved And believed that for years It’s easy looking back from here To see what I couldn’t see But I didn’t have the life I have now When those choices belonged to me I know better now But I only had what I knew then A little hope, a lot of doubt And no idea where either led I can wish I’d done it differently Without wishing I’d been someone else I was making every choice I made With what I knew then With what I knew then There were calls I never answered One I should have made myself People I kept trying to rescue When I was barely doing well I thought silence kept the peace Thought distance made me strong Spent too many nights preparing For people who hadn’t gone Now I can name what I was doing I can see what I mistook But knowing better came much later After living through the proof I know better now But I only had what I knew then A little hope, a lot of doubt And no idea where either led I can wish I’d done it differently Without wishing I’d been someone else I was making every choice I made With what I knew then There are people I would apologise to Things I’d leave unsaid Nights I’d tell myself, “Go home now” And mornings I’d get out of bed There are people I held onto Long after they had let me go And others I let disappear Because I didn’t know what I know Maybe getting older isn’t fixing Every version of yourself Maybe some of it is learning Not to judge him from somewhere else I know better now And I hope I know a little more I know love isn’t being chosen And leaving isn’t always war I can miss the life I might have lived Without wishing this one away I did some things I wouldn’t do now And I’d still make some mistakes I know better now But I won’t keep looking back As if I had the answers then I only had what I knew With what I knew then I know better now I knew what I knew then _______________________ Original Lyrics by Mickey Wilder. © All rights reserved.

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