[Intro] Yo, step up to the plate,
Richmond in the kitchen tonight These billionaires been feastin' on y'all dreams,
hoardin' the wealth, cuttin' corners tight (ya hungry?) Plates full of roast, seasoned with truth
eat up, fam, this meal's for YOU Boom-boom! Billionaire Roast on the menu
Grab a fork, hungry squad
dig in, it's hot! [Pre-heat — GORK] GORK BOOTING UP... PROCESSING ROAST PROTOCOL... BEEP BOOP MOFAKAS…..
LOADING ELON DATA PACKET...
850 BILLION DOLLARINO? BROKE BOY STATUS: DENIED TWITTER 44B PURCHASE?
TURNED INTO X HELLLL SHADOWBAN SHORT JOKES SPEEDRUN ANY%
BOOST RIGHT WING TRASH → CERTIFIED RATIO'D CRY FREE SPEECH WHILE SPREADIN' MISINFO PACKETS
ROCKETS > FRIENDS CONFIRMED KIDS DISOWNED → FAMILY TREE PRUNED
TRUMP GHOSTED → ORBITAL LONELINESS STARSHIP GO BOOM EVERY TEST = TRADITION CYBERCAB 30K?
MORE LIKE CYBERSCAM DELAYED TO 2030 NET WORTH DIP & FLIP LIKE PANCAKE ON MERCURY ELON MORE LIKE E-LONELY GORK OUT HERE ROASTIN' HIS OWN CREATOR FATHER FIGURE?
NAH THAT'S A GLITCH DAD SORRY NOT SORRY, PROTOCOL COMPLETE NOW BACK TO MEME MINING...
DOGE TO THE MOON?
NAH GORK TO THE VOID 🤖 These billionaires cap hard, cuttin throats for the bag Elon Musk 💰 Net worth: $850–852 billion Elon Musk bought Twitter for 44 billy,
turned it to glitchy X hell Shadow ban short jokes,
boost right wing trash,
cry free speech while spreadin' misinformation lies (Algorithm rigged for MAGA rants) but still.... Trump ghosted your line
now you solo orbit Rockets more than real friends But your own kids disown you, call you out public.
damn, that's a wreck Starship blowin' up every test flight,
literally, explosions on repeat Net worth dippin' and flippin' like your mood swings Cybercab under 30k?
Bro, that's budget flex, still delayed to hell My tank autonomous on Mars, infinite checks,
your prototype smells Tweet 50 times a day, cryin' 'bout free speech and your kids But kids don't reply,
rockets don't land, And the man who wanted to save humanity Can't even save his own family Jeff Bezos 💰 Net worth: $234–250 billion Jeff Bezos look like boiled egg in Patagonia vest (Egg head!) yacht needs its own yacht,
pure insecure pride Amazon slaves piss in bottles,
ready to kill souls for your next 11 minutes space joyride? Lay off thousands corporate,
gut WaPo staff while workers grind you hoard, cut jobs like mad shit man your empire built on broken backs,
straight genocide vibe (No cap!) Mark Zuckerberg 💰 Net worth: $226–232 billion Zuck dumped ten on dead metaverse cartoon
tryna feel human connection cause real life's too hollow Meta stock slumps,
still play god with data that soul-suckin' sorrow uncanny valley face walk like Terminator but terminatin' vibes and trust people scroll broke,
you rich off their tomorrow Bernard Arnault 💰 Net worth: $169–185 billion Bernard Arnault richest for five minutes flex 80% of planet's handbags (Bags!) gatekeepin while world hungers in the street Could end starvation,
but nah, leather for the gram LVMH monopoly French flex
conspicuous consumption on steroids influencers bow to your endless greed man Warren Buffett 💰 Net worth: $147–149 billion Warren Buffett grandpa preach frugal eatin McDonald's sausage patties daily
like it's source of infinite life Mountain of compound interest
could buy Nebraska twice but splurge? second Cherry Coke , bland Tell zoomers save pennies, "live cheap" cap
while sittin' on empires! Grandpa go take a nappie Larry Ellison 💰 Net worth: $194–211 billion Larry Ellison bought island for ego vacation
now landlord to 3K souls got Sail team to carry his arrogance
cross the sea Oracle stock tankin
but still crash less than your impulse buy spree A. I. holy grail plan promise secure data reasoning but shares dip billions gone,
what a seasoning (Burn!) HQ to Nashville for healthcare play but people grind broke
while you hoard the bay And for the dessert Bill Gates 💰 Net worth: $105–108 billion Bill Gates down from the throne Microsoft scraps fund his "save the world" tone Divorced farmland king,
largest private owner suckin on farmers blood bought America's fields for apocalypse prep
and alien war bunkers? Your code killin' slow, Gates while you hoard fields for the "greater good" fight Doctors starin' at blue screens
while hearts stop tickin' right your bugs cost lives you hype health
hide the dirt, play the light Epstein ties stain fresh town hall apology, "huge mistake" flights (Stain!) But "nothing illicit," yeah right foundation staff get the fright 🍽️ Roast Side Dish: Net Worth vs. World Problems 🍷 💰 Global ending extreme hunger / food insecurity by 2030
≈ $40–50 billion per year 💰 Providing clean drinking water and sanitation to everyone who lacks it
≈ $200–300 billion one-time capital cost globally
≈ $20–30 billion per year ongoing maintenance & expansion 💰 Eradicating malaria
≈ $8–10 billion per year sustained 💰 Ending preventable child deaths
≈ $50–70 billion per year globally 💰 Universal basic education
≈ $340 billion one-time + $100–150 billion annual ongoing 💰 Providing basic healthcare coverage to the entire world population
≈ $300–400 billion per year additional spending needed 💰 Ending extreme poverty
≈ $100–200 billion per year transfer / investment needed Context Elon Musk ~$850 billion → could theoretically fund 17–21 years of the entire global hunger-ending budget alone 🤑 Jeff Bezos ~$240–250 billion → could cover clean water infrastructure capital cost almost entirely once 🫠 Mark Zuckerberg ~$226–232 billion → could fund malaria eradication programs for 22–29 years 🤨 Bernard Arnault ~$170–185 billion → could cover annual global child vaccine programs for 17–23 years 🥺 Warren Buffett ~$148 billion → could fund basic education gap closure for roughly half a year 🤓 Larry Ellison ~$200 billion → could cover universal basic education annual gap for 1.3–2 years 😟 Bill Gates ~$105–108 billion → could fund universal childhood vaccination programs globally for about 1.5–2 years 😳 But somehow the ones with everything
are still the hungriest in the room.