Verse 1 I sailed from Dover on a Tuesday, Beneath a sky of iron grey, The harbour bells grew fainter As the coastline slipped away. A steamer crossed the morning mist, A lighthouse marked the shore, And the captain tapped his compass. "That way lies the Isle of Sure." Where every man was right, they said, And every tale was true, Where answers grew on signposts And certainties like dew. So I buttoned up my travelling coat, And watched the sea birds soar. If half the things I'd heard were right, What could a fellow ask for more? Verse 2 I climbed the Mountains of Absolute Proof By lanterns in the night, Past statues carved with "CERTAIN FACTS" And banners hung up bright. The higher that I climbed, the more The claims grew bold and grand. Till I met Certainly Sid himself With a scroll held in his hand. He said, "I've got it right." I said, "What thing?" He said, "Well... everything." I said, "That's quite a lot." He said, "It's all the evidence you need." I said, "Oh... that's a start." Pre-Chorus Below the mountain harbour The lamps were glowing gold. The stories got much bigger there The more they got retold. Chorus Oh, it's Gullibles Travels, I've wandered far and wide, Through the Land of Certain Knowledge And the Sea of Parish Pride. Where every rumour's gospel, mate, And every hunch is true, I said, "Hang on a second, son, Who told this tale to you?" It's all common, mate, Use your nut and think it through. Just because somebody says it's true Don't mean that it is true. Verse 3 Down at the docks I met a bloke Who said he'd been there twice. "They've got the Ark up on a hill." I said, "Now that sounds rather nice." A deacon took me up to see it, A cheerful chap in boots. The sign outside said: NOAH'S ARK (Subject to further proofs.) I said, "Are you quite sure of that?" He smiled and shut the gate. "Well, nobody can know for certain. But I'd say ninety-eight." He was Deacon Ninety-Eight, Known all around those parts. Never fully sure of anything, Yet certain in his heart. Verse 4 A lady swore she'd seen Our Lord Upon a bit of toast. Half the town had gathered round. She said, "Don't mock the Ghost." A baker claimed St Peter's face Appeared upon a bun. A fisherman had found a sign Reflected in the sun. And every tale grew two foot taller Every time it changed. By midnight even I began To think the place was strange. Instrumental / crowd refrain "Ninety-eight!" "Ninety-eight!" "That's good enough for me!" "Ninety-eight!" "Ninety-eight!" "Close enough to certainty!" Bridge As evening fell I climbed a ridge And looked beyond the shore. There in the mist stood distant towers I'd never seen before. A sailor pointed with his pipe. "That's Castle Proof," said he. "And further on's Apparently-on-Sea." I said, "What's there?" He laughed. "Depends on who you ask." Final Chorus Oh, it's Gullibles Travels, And the road runs ever on, Past every "fact" that's guaranteed And every tale that's grown. Where every map has hidden roads And every road has clues, And every fellow swears he's right When standing in his shoes. It's all common, mate, Use your loaf and have a think. Some things worth believing, Some deserve another blink. Outro The lamps burned low upon the quay, The tide rolled in once more. Someone said, "Have you heard about the town They call Apparently-on-Sea?" I picked my coat up from the chair. "Go on then." And off I went.
