[Spoken Intro – Crowd Noise] LEAD SINGER: Alright, y'all… I got one question before we get started. You ever leave the house for a nice, peaceful day at the lake… …and somehow end up wearing something your mama specifically told you not to wear in public? [Crowd laughs] Well, boys and girls… Tonight's song is dedicated to every man who has ever said: "Aw, these'll be fine." [Beat] They weren't fine. [Crowd laughs — band kicks in HARD] [Verse 1] I rolled up to the river with my cooler in the back, Got a lawn chair, fishing pole, and a brand-new snack. Everybody's looking cool, everybody's looking right, Then my buddy stepped out and we lost it on sight. He had sunglasses on and a grin ear to ear, Said, "Boys, don't worry, the weekend's finally here!" Then he turned around… [Music stops briefly] And that's when we knew… That man had made a terrible decision with his wardrobe. [Pre-Chorus] Well, the girls started laughing, The boys started yelling, Somebody hollered from the dock… "Man, what in the world are those?!" [Chorus – Crowd Singalong] LEAD: What you wearing down at the river?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: What you wearing when you're trying to look cool?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: They got flames? They got stripes? They got little fish on the side? CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: You wear those things in public?! CROWD: YOU SICK BASTARD! [Huge crowd laughter, whistles, handclaps] [Verse 2] Now everybody's dancing and the cooler's getting low, There's a fiddle player grinning like he already knows. Grandpa's on the tailgate tapping both his feet, And those questionable shorts just became the main event. He said, "They're comfortable!" We said, "That's not the point!" He said, "They're practical!" We said, "You're missing the point!" Then he jumped off the dock like a man without a care… [Beat] And nearly scared the fish clean outta there! [Crowd erupts] [Chorus – Bigger] LEAD: What you wearing down at the river?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: What you wearing when you're feeling real good?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: You got a pair that's seen better days? CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: You still gonna wear 'em anyway?! CROWD: YOU SICK BASTARD! [Laughter, whistles, clapping] [Bridge – Spoken / Music Drops] LEAD: Now hold on… I see some of y'all out there wearing 'em tonight. [Crowd cheers] Don't be ashamed. Stand up! [Crowd cheers louder] Turn around! [Band stops] … Oh, Lord. [Huge crowd laughter] I apologize. I didn't know we were dealing with professionals. [Drums explode back in] [Instrumental Break] [Telecaster riff] [Fiddle answers] [Honky-tonk piano runs] [Handclaps build] LEAD: Everybody clap! [Crowd claps] Everybody stomp! [Crowd stomps] Everybody headed to the lake! CROWD: YEAH! [Final Chorus – Massive Crowd] LEAD: WHAT YOU WEARING?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: WHAT YOU WEARING?! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: FROM THE RIVER TO THE LAKE! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: FROM THE DOCK TO THE BOAT! CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! LEAD: AND IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T LIKE 'EM?! CROWD: YOU SICK BASTARD! [Massive laughter and cheers] LEAD: Well, grab your cooler! CROWD: HEY! LEAD: Grab your chair! CROWD: HEY! LEAD: Grab those ridiculous— CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! [Outro – Extended Live Jam] [Fast Telecaster solo] [Fiddle trades licks with guitar] [Honky-tonk piano pounding] [Handclaps and crowd chants] CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! SWIM SHORTS! SWIM SHORTS! [Band slows slightly as if heading down the road toward the lake] LEAD: Y'all ain't going home yet… We're going swimming! [Final guitar/fiddle lick] CROWD: SWIM SHORTS! [Big final hit — crowd
