[Intro] Yo, Captain, we arrived at the blue little sphere, Scanners online, all systems clear. Wait... hold up... what are those things? They got no fur, no scales, no wings! [Verse 1] We crossed twelve galaxies, seven dimensions, Searching for life with advanced intentions. Found these creatures and I'm not kidding, Half of them dance for a thing called "TikTok" while sitting. They build tall towers, then complain about rent, Spend forty years working, then wonder where it went. Invent machines to save lots of time, Then fill the free hours with arguing online. Captain said, "Observe their ways." I've been confused for seventeen days. One human yelled at a coffee machine, Like intimidation works on caffeine. [Chorus] What is wrong with Earth? Somebody explain! These humans seem allergic to using their brains. They got all this knowledge in their little devices, Yet still eat things after ignoring advice. What is wrong with Earth? We don't understand! They'll start a fight while holding somebody's hand. They're the weirdest species we've ever found, But we can't stop watching them mess around. [Verse 2] Saw a human run six miles for fun, Nobody chased him, not a single one. Then another paid money to lift heavy weights, Just to put them back in exactly the same place. One said, "I'm on a diet today." Five minutes later, pizza came his way. Another declared, "I'll get sleep tonight." Then watched cat videos till morning light. They got tiny dogs that bark like beasts, And giant dogs that act like they're three weeks. They call cats their owners as a joke online, But after studying Earth... that's probably fine. [Chorus] What is wrong with Earth? Somebody explain! These humans seem allergic to using their brains. They got all this knowledge in their little devices, Yet still ignore all the warning notices. What is wrong with Earth? We don't understand! They'll panic over spiders then skydive from land. They're the weirdest species we've ever found, But we can't stop watching them mess around. [Bridge] Report to headquarters, level ten bizarre, They worship celebrities from very far. Argue all day about who's the best, Then unite instantly for a cute dog quest. Their logic is broken, their habits are strange, Their moods can completely and suddenly change. But somehow despite all the chaos we see, They're hilarious creatures to study for free. [Verse 3] They'll name a hurricane, then stay outside, To film it approaching and livestream the ride. One guy climbed Everest risking his life, Then came back home and forgot where he left his bike. Their history books are absolutely wild, How did this species survive as a child? Yet somehow they made art and music and flight, And landed on moons while losing car keys at night. So maybe they're odd, maybe that's true, But they're also impressive from our point of view. They're reckless and clever and endlessly weird, And honestly, Captain, I kinda like it here. [Final Chorus] What is wrong with Earth? We still can't say, But we're coming back for another survey. These humans are chaos wrapped up in skin, And every new day brings another spin. What is wrong with Earth? Nobody knows! One minute they're fighting, next minute they're bros. The strangest species in the galaxy's chart, But somehow these weirdos got a whole lot of heart. [Outro] Captain, final report before we depart: Humans make no sense... but they're a work of art. Now set course home through the cosmic dark— Wait... what's a "tax return?" Abort. Abort.
