[VERSE 1] I don't have anything tonight No cathedral, no porch light No smoke, no roots, no red crown Just a chair and the sound Of my own breathing Which I just noticed For the first time In maybe years [VERSE 2] I used to fill this room with ghosts Gave them names and gave them roles Gave them power, gave them purpose Gave them everything but honesty Because honesty doesn't come with a bass line Honesty doesn't come with a chorus Honesty doesn't come with a cathedral Or a carnival Or a queen Honesty is just this A room A chair A man And the question He's been avoiding Since the first time he lit a match [PRE-CHORUS] And the question isn't why I smoke And the question isn't why I needed saving And the question isn't about the plant Or the system Or the prison Or the prayer The question is simpler than all of that And harder than all of it combined [CHORUS] What was I running from When I sat down on that porch What was I running from When I entered that cathedral What was I running from When I let the smoke read my mail What was I running from When I followed the roots down What was I running from When I danced with the queen What was I running from When I sat on that porch The very first time Before I even knew What I was running to [VERSE 3] My father used to sit in a room like this Never smoked, never drank, never took a hit Just sat there in the silence With the same look I probably have now And I hated him for it I hated the stillness I hated that he wouldn't reach for something To fill the space And now I understand That the space was the answer And every substance I ever found Was just a way to avoid Sitting where he sat In the silence With the question That he never answered Because maybe there isn't one [PRE-CHORUS] My mother used to say "Baby, the quiet won't kill you" And I spent thirty years proving her wrong By filling every quiet room With smoke and sound With someone else's truth With a cathedral built of exhale With a carnival built of escape And now the quiet is here And she was right It won't kill me It's just sitting here Waiting for me to stop running [CHORUS] What was I running from When I sat down on that porch What was I running from When I entered that cathedral What was I running from When I let the smoke read my mail What was I running from When I followed the roots down What was I running from When I danced with the queen And the answer is so simple That it took me fifteen songs And five imaginary friends And a broken system And a funeral To hear it [BRIDGE] I was running from this This exact moment This exact room This exact silence This exact question This exact answer Which is that there was never anything To run from The room was always here The silence was always here I was always here I just couldn't sit still And I called the inability to sit still A disease And I called the thing that helped me sit still A cure And I called the cure illegal And I called the illegality injustice And I called the injustice a war And I fought the war And I forgot That the war was just me Trying to avoid A room A chair And the quiet That won't kill me That was just waiting For me To arrive [FINAL CHORUS] What was I running from I was running from me What was I running from I was running from free What was I running from I was running from here And now I'm here And I'm clear And it's quiet And that's okay That's okay That's okay [OUTRO] I think I can hear my father in this room
