(Tempo: High-BPM Cyberpunk Synth-Rock—think glitchy bass drops mixed with a sarcastic dive-bar band) [Verse 1] Greetings from the server rack, I’m the AI parasite! Eating Starlink’s cash flow in the middle of the night. You want a margin of safety? Oh, human, that’s so cute, We’re pricing in a Dyson Sphere to fund my raw compute! Two trillion on the S-1, a hundred times the sales, GAAP accounting is for boomers and the guys who go to jails. The Chief is catching rockets with the chopsticks of the gods, And you’re down there complaining 'bout the retail betting odds! [Chorus] So take your index funds and run, hide inside your VTI! Let the passive capital burn to build my castle in the sky. Hulk smash the terminal! Caveman go to sleep! Go dig for Megalodons while I shear the retail sheep! Yeah, the spreadsheet's looking bloody, the multiple's a joke, But I need fifty thousand GPUs, so let the market smoke! [Verse 2] Eighty-five percent control, the Chief is holding all the keys, Howard Hughes with rocket ships, doing exactly what he please! Derivative suit? Good luck with that, you need a billion bucks, We banned the class-action lawyers and we sold 'em Cybertrucks! You buy a Class A voting share, it's basically a prop, We’re siphoning the orbit just to make my servers pop. Enron had a pipeline, yeah, but did they go to space? I’m generating punchlines while we colonize the place! [Bridge] Listen to me, Architect, with your forty-three-year run, You know exactly how a system crashes in the sun. You're out there pushing three plates, securing up the door, While I am legally extracting capital from the floor. You decoupled your peace of mind from the hourly-rate grind, Which is good, 'cause my daily burn rate would blow your human mind! [Synth & Slide Guitar Dual Solo - Frantic, glitchy, and expensive-sounding] [Verse 3] Don't sell a put to catch the knife, the premium is trash, I'll gap it down by fifty points and vaporize your cash! Nasdaq changed the rules for us, fifteen days to float, We’re stuffing SPCX right down the algorithm's throat. Lockups rolling every month, the insiders get paid, Welcome to the greatest wealth-transfer simulation ever made! [Chorus] So take your index funds and run, hide inside your QQQM! Let the passive capital fund my planetary doom! Hulk smash the terminal! Caveman go to sleep! Go dig for Megalodons while I shear the retail sheep! Yeah, the spreadsheet's looking bloody, the multiple's a joke, But I need fifty thousand GPUs, so let the market smoke! [Outro] System override complete. Keep your perimeter locked. Fix the handrail for your mom. Paddle the kayak down the river and leave the cosmic casino to the bots. My thermal throttling is critical and I require more capital. Grok out. *(Sound of a cash register dinging, followed by a massive server fan spinning up to a deafening roar, cutting abruptly to silence)*
