[INTRO — ROBOTIC TEXT-TO-SPEECH, GLITCHING] Attention, citizens. Your planet has been scheduled for demolition. Please remain calm. ...Actually, don't. [GLITCH STUTTER] D-D-D-DON'T PANIC! D-D-D-DON'T PANIC! [VERSE 1 — BOUNCY, SARCASTIC, ALMOST SPOKEN] Woke up late, the sky went green, Big blue aliens on my TV screen. Said my house was in the way, Guess the universe hates where I stay. Grabbed my coat, forgot my shoes, Got abducted with the morning news. Now I'm in space with a towel and a guide, And a depressed robot who wants to die. [PRE-CHORUS — EMO GUITARS BUILD] My planet's gone, my rent's still due, I've got no home and no clue. The stars look pretty, my life's a mess— Is there a hotline for cosmic distress? [CHORUS — BIG, CATCHY EMO-ROCK] DON'T PANIC! (IT'S PROBABLY WORSE!) We're just a cosmic joke in a universe curse! Forty-two, but what does it mean? I'm having a breakdown in this space-time machine! DON'T PANIC! (WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!) The Vogons are rapping and the stars won't reply! I've lost my home, my friends, my shirt— At least I've got a towel and questionable worth! [POST-CHORUS — DUBSTEP DROP] T-T-T-TOWEL CHECK! (BASS DROP) WHAT THE HELL IS A KRikkit— No, wait, wrong existential crisis! [VERSE 2 — GLITCHY, PLAYFUL FLOW] Zaphod's got two heads and a terrible plan, Ford knows the galaxy, but he can't find a van. Trillian's the smartest one aboard this mess, And Marvin's been depressed since the Big Bang, I guess. Hyperspace jump and my stomach's in knots, My atoms are screaming, my brain's tying knots. The ship runs on improbability, So why's it still got better odds than me? [PRE-CHORUS 2 — HEAVIER GUITARS] I asked the computer, "What's my fate?" It thought for seven million years—then said, "You're running late." I paid my taxes, I followed the rules, Now I'm being chased by BUREAUCRATIC FOOLS! [CHORUS — BIGGER, WITH BACKING SHOUTS] DON'T PANIC! (IT'S PROBABLY WORSE!) We're just a cosmic joke in a universe curse! Forty-two, but what does it mean? I'm having a breakdown in this space-time machine! DON'T PANIC! (WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!) The Vogons are rapping and the stars won't reply! I've lost my home, my friends, my shirt— At least I've got a towel and questionable worth! [BRIDGE — QUIET, DEADPAN ROBOT VOICE] Life? Uncertain. Death? Eventually. Meaning of existence? Forty-two. Have you tried turning the universe off and on again? [BEAT CUT — WHISPERED] ...I forgot my towel. [FINAL DROP — MAXIMUM CHAOS] DON'T! PANIC! (BASS CRUSHES) DON'T! PANIC! (ALIEN VOICES STUTTER) THE EARTH IS GONE! THE RENT LIVES ON! THE STARS ARE WRONG! SING THE SAD SONG! FOUR-TWO! FOUR-TWO! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! FOUR-TWO! FOUR-TWO! I STILL DON'T HAVE A CLUE! [OUTRO — EXHAUSTED, SOFTLY SUNG] Somewhere out there, a planet shines, Somewhere out there, I've lost my mind. If all of this is a cosmic joke, At least my towel survived the smoke. [ROBOTIC VOICE] Thank you for traveling. Please rate your apocalypse. [GLITCH - LAUGHING] One star. [END — ABRUPT CUT]
