swamp witch took my fishing license

Hillbilly DJ

Chillbilly

Hillbilly DJ

swamp-country, talk-rap

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[INTRO — slurred, suspicious, half-whispered]
I knew today felt cursed
soon as my bobber blinked at me funny...
Then the water cleared its throat.
That’s when I shoulda gone home.

[VERSE 1 — lazy conversational rap, goofy urgency]
I was sittin’ on the bank with a catfish on the line
When a green-lit ripple started spellin’ out my name
She rose outta the reeds with Spanish moss for hair
Looked at my beer, looked at me, said, “You can’t fish here.”

I said, “Ma’am, I got a license.”
She said, “Not anymore.”
I said, “I paid the county.”
She said, “That ain’t swamp law.”

She squinted at my soul like she was readin’ fine print
Asked me where I was born, then asked where I’d been
I answered every question, thought I’d finally passed
She snapped her fingers once
and my license turned to ash.

Then she took my beer.
I said, “Hey!”
She said, “Evidence.”

[PRE-CHORUS — half-sung, increasingly panicked]
She stole my license and she judged my line
Said my lure was illegal in her timeline
Checked my tackle, checked my soul
Said I’d been fishin’ in a restricted hole

I said, “What hole?”
She said, “The whole river.”
I said, “Since when?”
She said, “Always.”

[CHORUS — catchy, ridiculous, full voice]
Swamp witch took my fishing license
Turned my bass to a gator with poor life choices
Vaporized my beer, cursed my reel
Now my tackle box hums like a haunted deal

Shake that, shake that waterline
She’s taxin’ every bite in cursed moonshine time
I said, “Can I see the law?”
She said, “You wouldn’t understand.”

Then she stamped my forehead
with a wet green hand.

[VERSE 2 — rhythmic talk-rap, tighter and more animated]
She levitated my cooler, said the registration was wrong
My horoscope said “fish,” but apparently that was fraud
Said my aura smelled like expired corn dog pong
Then she phased through my boat like the boat did somethin’ wrong

A worm floated by upside down
cryin’ in a tiny little voice
Crickets had paperwork
and the turtles had a choice

Then a possum in a badge
came crawlin’ out the cattails
Said, “You got a fishing log?”
I said, “No.”
He said, “We know.”

Next thing I know
there’s a summons in the mud
Stamped by three frogs
and notarized in blood.

[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK — drunken, psychedelic, cartoon chaos]

[VERSE 3 — increasingly convinced this is normal]
My bait got confiscated
for “suspicious intent”
My knots lacked proper licensing
My cooler owed back rent

My boat started whisperin’:
“Hilkbilly, don’t go home.”
I said, “Why?”
It said, “She knows.”

Then the witch came through my tackle box
like it was an open door
She held my license between two fingers
like she’d seen it all before

I said, “That’s mine.”
She said, “Was.”
I said, “Can I have it back?”
She said, “Still expired.”

[PRE-CHORUS — more frantic, harmonized responses]
She stole my license and my fishing line
Said the whole damn river was technically mine
I said, “That cannot possibly be true.”
She said, “Everybody does.”
I said, “Does what?”
She said, “Nobody knows.”

[CHORUS — bigger, ragged, absurdly triumphant]
Swamp witch took my fishing license
Turned my bass to a gator with poor life choices
Vaporized my beer, cursed my reel
Now my tackle box hums like a haunted deal

Shake that, shake that waterline
She’s taxin’ every bite in cursed moonshine time
I said, “Can I see the law?”
She said, “You wouldn’t understand.”

Then she stamped my forehead
with a wet green hand.

[RAP 2 — paranoid momentum, character voices]
The frogs know my number
The turtles know my name
The crawdads formed a union
and they’re filing for my claim

Possum’s now a deputy
with a badge made outta bark
Said, “You got a permit?”
I said, “For what?”
He said, “The dark.”

Then the witch leaned closer
from inside my tackle case
Said, “You still ain’t got your license.”
I said, “You took it from my face!”

She said, “That’s not how paperwork works.”
I said, “Then how does it work?”
She said, “You’ll know when you’re done.”

I said, “Done with what?”
She said, “Exactly.”

[BRIDGE — whispered, vulnerable, suddenly sincere]
She said I violated subsection swamp-hex three
Then turned my anchor to a cursed bonsai tree
I said, “If this is a test, then I have surely failed.”
She said, “Son... you don’t need a license anymore.”

I said, “Why not?”
She smiled.
“Not anymore.”

[FINAL CHORUS — exhausted, ecstatic, increasingly unhinged]
Swamp witch took my fishing license
Now my boat won’t start and my reflection hisses
I ain’t slept since Tuesday night
She blinked once and repossessed my bite

Swamp witch took my fishing license
Said my tackle had a spiritual conflict
I said, “Lady, when do I get it back?”
She said, “Next Thursday.”

I said, “Which Thursday?”
She said, “Exactly.”

[OUTRO — exhausted whisper, swamp ambience returning]
I don’t even believe in magic...

But she still got my ID.

And apparently...

I’m due in swamp court tomorrow.

[pause]

I don’t remember having court tomorrow.

4907/7500

[INTRO — slurred, suspicious, half-whispered] I knew today felt cursed soon as my bobber blinked at me funny... Then the water cleared its throat. That’s when I shoulda gone home. [VERSE 1 — lazy conversational rap, goofy urgency] I was sittin’ on the bank with a catfish on the line When a green-lit ripple started spellin’ out my name She rose outta the reeds with Spanish moss for hair Looked at my beer, looked at me, said, “You can’t fish here.” I said, “Ma’am, I got a license.” She said, “Not anymore.” I said, “I paid the county.” She said, “That ain’t swamp law.” She squinted at my soul like she was readin’ fine print Asked me where I was born, then asked where I’d been I answered every question, thought I’d finally passed She snapped her fingers once and my license turned to ash. Then she took my beer. I said, “Hey!” She said, “Evidence.” [PRE-CHORUS — half-sung, increasingly panicked] She stole my license and she judged my line Said my lure was illegal in her timeline Checked my tackle, checked my soul Said I’d been fishin’ in a restricted hole I said, “What hole?” She said, “The whole river.” I said, “Since when?” She said, “Always.” [CHORUS — catchy, ridiculous, full voice] Swamp witch took my fishing license Turned my bass to a gator with poor life choices Vaporized my beer, cursed my reel Now my tackle box hums like a haunted deal Shake that, shake that waterline She’s taxin’ every bite in cursed moonshine time I said, “Can I see the law?” She said, “You wouldn’t understand.” Then she stamped my forehead with a wet green hand. [VERSE 2 — rhythmic talk-rap, tighter and more animated] She levitated my cooler, said the registration was wrong My horoscope said “fish,” but apparently that was fraud Said my aura smelled like expired corn dog pong Then she phased through my boat like the boat did somethin’ wrong A worm floated by upside down cryin’ in a tiny little voice Crickets had paperwork and the turtles had a choice Then a possum in a badge came crawlin’ out the cattails Said, “You got a fishing log?” I said, “No.” He said, “We know.” Next thing I know there’s a summons in the mud Stamped by three frogs and notarized in blood. [INSTRUMENTAL BREAK — drunken, psychedelic, cartoon chaos] [VERSE 3 — increasingly convinced this is normal] My bait got confiscated for “suspicious intent” My knots lacked proper licensing My cooler owed back rent My boat started whisperin’: “Hilkbilly, don’t go home.” I said, “Why?” It said, “She knows.” Then the witch came through my tackle box like it was an open door She held my license between two fingers like she’d seen it all before I said, “That’s mine.” She said, “Was.” I said, “Can I have it back?” She said, “Still expired.” [PRE-CHORUS — more frantic, harmonized responses] She stole my license and my fishing line Said the whole damn river was technically mine I said, “That cannot possibly be true.” She said, “Everybody does.” I said, “Does what?” She said, “Nobody knows.” [CHORUS — bigger, ragged, absurdly triumphant] Swamp witch took my fishing license Turned my bass to a gator with poor life choices Vaporized my beer, cursed my reel Now my tackle box hums like a haunted deal Shake that, shake that waterline She’s taxin’ every bite in cursed moonshine time I said, “Can I see the law?” She said, “You wouldn’t understand.” Then she stamped my forehead with a wet green hand. [RAP 2 — paranoid momentum, character voices] The frogs know my number The turtles know my name The crawdads formed a union and they’re filing for my claim Possum’s now a deputy with a badge made outta bark Said, “You got a permit?” I said, “For what?” He said, “The dark.” Then the witch leaned closer from inside my tackle case Said, “You still ain’t got your license.” I said, “You took it from my face!” She said, “That’s not how paperwork works.” I said, “Then how does it work?” She said, “You’ll know when you’re done.” I said, “Done with what?” She said, “Exactly.” [BRIDGE — whispered, vulnerable, suddenly sincere] She said I violated subsection swamp-hex three Then turned my anchor to a cursed bonsai tree I said, “If this is a test, then I have surely failed.” She said, “Son... you don’t need a license anymore.” I said, “Why not?” She smiled. “Not anymore.” [FINAL CHORUS — exhausted, ecstatic, increasingly unhinged] Swamp witch took my fishing license Now my boat won’t start and my reflection hisses I ain’t slept since Tuesday night She blinked once and repossessed my bite Swamp witch took my fishing license Said my tackle had a spiritual conflict I said, “Lady, when do I get it back?” She said, “Next Thursday.” I said, “Which Thursday?” She said, “Exactly.” [OUTRO — exhausted whisper, swamp ambience returning] I don’t even believe in magic... But she still got my ID. And apparently... I’m due in swamp court tomorrow. [pause] I don’t remember having court tomorrow.

0/500