Baby? ...Big lug? Spot, what are you barkin’ at? Cold side of the bed at half past two Front door open, night wind blew His boots were gone, his truck sat still Blue light faded past the hill Phone on the floor, clocks gone black I called his name, no answer back Spot stood stiff by the pasture gate Growling hard at the empty space His coat was gone His keys were here Somebody took him Somebody should fear You took the wrong woman’s man Wrong house, wrong ridge, wrong patch of land I may be little, but I make my stand You took the wrong woman’s man Bring him back while you still can You took the wrong woman’s man Checked both barns and the machine shed Looked by the creek and the garden bed Found his boot tracks through the dew Big as always, straight and true They stopped cold in a circle burned Then the whole night sky just turned Something silver cleared the pine And I knew exactly who took mine You crossed all that dark With a half-baked plan But you never checked The ring on his hand You beamed up the wrong woman’s man So I built bad judgment with my own two hands A tractor frame and a dish on a stand You beamed up the wrong woman’s man I caught your light and I rode that span You beamed up the wrong woman’s man I threw one switch, the whole rig shook Up that beam like a fish on a hook Hit your deck in a shower of steel Cut my way past the first gray squeal Heard my big lug cuss down the hall Kicked one door and bent the wall Found him strapped to a metal bed Saw that probe, and his face went red I looked at him He looked away That told me all He could not say I raised one brow He whispered, “Please...” I turned to the greys And rolled up my sleeves You probed the wrong woman’s man Now I’m here, and you’ll understand That shiny toy in your alien hand Just signed the end of your medical plan You probed the wrong woman’s man Cover your holes while you still can You probed the wrong woman’s man Broke the clamps and knocked one flat Swung that probe like a baseball bat One grabbed a ray gun, missed me twice I sent that probe someplace not nice Cut my man loose, he tried to stand I caught his belt and took his hand He took one step, then spread out wide I said, “Save that swagger for the ride” Red lights flashed, the whole ship shook We took the beam, no time to look Hit the field when the hull blew wide He landed hard, but he landed mine That saucer climbed on one good flame Blinking “WE’RE SORRY” again and again Half a ship and a trail of sparks Left my ridge and fled through the dark You probed the wrong woman’s man Now you limp through space in half a tin can Left your pride and your probe in my pastureland You probed the wrong woman’s man My big lug’s home, though he barely can stand Next time read the ring on his hand Now every gray in the black understands You probed the wrong woman’s man You probed the wrong woman’s man! Come on, baby. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. You ain’t forgot how to walk... They just widened your wheelbase.
