[Slow Flute Intro] [dramatic, frantic vocals] In his laboratory, burdened and busy The alchemist toiled o’er cauldron quite fizzy With distillates and tinctures And crystals and runes No longer would royalty Think him a buffoon This was it, the substrate! His goal he could taste But as it was added … it blew up in his face [Descending Guitar Riff] [Pause] [Enraged Vocals] [Alchemist] JESTER-RAH! JESTER-RAH! I know this was you! Swapping labels again, you’re BANNED from this room! The king will hear of this, And he won’t be amused By the end of this day You’ll be beheaded, you fool!!! [Sly vocals] [Jester] You call me a Fool? I dare say you are wrong. You’ve only succeeded in failure all along. I, on the other hand, always get my result. So I don’t think it’s fair that it’s me YOU insult! [Alchemist] A ridiculous assertion! My profession, it’s true, Is a trial and error, but each day what I do Brings this kingdom closer to wealth not yet to be seen While your only calling is simpleton for the king JESTER-RAH!, JESTER-RAH! You’re intellectually broke You think you’re a hoot But it’s you that’s the joke My assignment is to transmute Lead to gold for this place While your greatest achievement Is falling flat on your face [Jester] So you say, so you say, but I’m not finished yet So why don’t we settle this, like men, with a bet? I’ll make something grand with not a potion or tool But only with words, then you’ll see who’s the fool [Alchemist] I’ve had enough of your nonsense. Fine! Go ahead! An impossible task to occupy an empty head. Be gone from my lab, and bother me no more Imbeciles like yourself belong on THAT side of my door! [choir] And so this was the day, the Jester took aim A quest to show cleverness is a fool’s game The alchemist using not even a potion Set a cascade of otherworldly events into motion [END]
