I cant decide if i should say luckily or not.. but thanks to connections - small town politics & some kind of chat with a judge on his favor gave Mason another chance. His charisma and hard work has allowed him to evade true consequences all the way up to this point. Ive seen him almost die. Almost go to prison, and somehow.., we’re here again. I dont know how many times now / i just now the feeling is worse each time. And i wont live through the agony of watching my husband die slowly by choice. Its awful. The most painful thing is this life is to see someone you love not love themselves. To see the child in them, wounded. Alone. To a degree, i know i cant save masons life if he isnt in on the plan. But god, he knows i tried. Ive prayed more prayers in the past 6 years then a person should in a life time. But none of it.. not a drop of my god forsaken time was gonna change something that was only ever God’s to hold. I had a therapist that described addiction as Russian roulette but if the person is holding the gun. Now , click Click Click Every click,. Ur both relieved and fucking sickened…. How many clicks could there even be left? Odds. Ever against the favor of what I WANTED. its not new but i wanted this one thing. My little perfect family - up in smoke. & at the same age my mom was as my parents fire.
