Hi— ReMi on the mic (on the mic) How are you? Nice to see you All right Fellas "Fellas" Fellas I'm glad you could make it Now— I'd like to begin by saying Fuck Lance Armstrong He's not a hero Okay? If you cheat You're a cheat Now I get it There's more pressure on Lance than most You know He only had one testicle I have more I don't even use them Now There is one benefit To having only one testicle If you lose one You can just get a ball transplant That's the best transplant you can get Because you don't have to worry about matching blood types A kidney transplant's a pain You gotta match the blood type The best part about a ball transplant You don't even have to match the race You can have a White ball and a Black ball An Asian ball and an Indian ball You can have a veritable United Nations In your underpants I would call it the United Balltions Because my balls would be swollen Now Before I get out of here I'd like to share something with you Some of you may have heard it It's a little ditty that I learned a long time ago And it goes a little something like this "A million times a day— I hear people say They need me in their life" They need me in their life I hear it all the time And every single time I need it in my life "I need it in my life" You ever notice— When you're sayin' the seven words you're not supposed to say The ones they told you never to say: Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits You say those words You notice when you're sayin' 'em You're sayin' 'em in a sing-songy way And you always end on "tits" You have to end on "tits" I think you could probably add A few words to that list And it'd still work Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turd And twat You ever notice You say those words You gotta sing 'em Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turd And twat Oh no— Not again I've been so good this year I said the thing "I said the thing" Seven words you can't say on TV Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Yeah— My boss is an asshole My work makes me sick And the hours are so long It's hard to make it And they pay me in French fries Then they want my two cents So I cuss 'em out in my head As I'm workin' my shift If I could do it all over again— I would quit this job in a New York minute So Until that day when I can say "I'm finished" I just cuss 'em out in my head "A million times a day— I hear people say They need me in their life" They need me in their life I hear it all the time And every single time I need it in my life "I need it in my life" And, yeah— My boss is an asshole My work makes me sick And the hours are so long It's hard to make it And they pay me in French fries Then they want my two cents So I cuss 'em out in my head As I'm workin' my shift I ain't forgettin' to fuck Lance Armstrong He's not a hero Okay? If you cheat You're a cheat Now I get it There's more pressure on Lance than most You know He only had one testicle I have more Oh no— Not again I've been so good this year I said the thing "I said the thing" Seven words you can't say on TV Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turd And twat Have a great night— Everyone Thanks a lot
