[Intro] [Sound of a spray-paint can shaking] [Dramatic piano trill] Oh, darling... Did you think this gallery was just for viewing? Step over the velvet rope. It’s time for a total... Renovation. [Verse 1] They said my work was abstract and a bit much for the hall They said, Please, don't put neon spikes upon the city wall But visionaries don't take notes from men in beige and gray I’m turning every skyline into a giant Macramé! I’ve got a thousand miles of yarn and a bucket of gold leaf I’m giving every continent a "conceptual relief" You call it The Atlantic? I call it Negative Space And I’m putting a giant, sequined mask on every mountain's face! [Chorus] Oh, the world is my canvas, the globe is my floor! I’m bolting a rotating sculpture to your front door! It’s a global installation, an immersive regime The planet’s getting curated—welcome to the dream! Is it Functional? No! Is it Safe? Who can say? But it’s Art, sweetie... and you’re in my way! [Verse 2] I’ve wrapped the Eiffel Tower in a coat of faux-fur pink I put a disco ball inside the local skating rink The Sahara is now a mosaic of recycled glass and tile (Careful where you step, dear—it’ll be there for a while!) I’m zoning the Pacific for a floating marble maze I’m putting the United Nations in a Vaporwave Haze Don't bother with the protests, don't bother with the law I’ve got a massive crane and a very shiny saw! [Bridge] [Music slows down, intimate and wickedly playful] Look at the moon... [A shimmering chime sounds] It’s a bit... round, isn't it? It needs a giant, wrought-iron monocle. And maybe some... tulle. [Music swells with a huge brass section] YES! THE TULLE! [Chorus] Oh, the world is my canvas, the globe is my floor! I’m bolting a rotating sculpture to your front door! It’s a global installation, an immersive regime The planet’s getting curated—welcome to the dream! Is it Functional? No! Is it Safe? Who can say? But it’s Art, sweetie... and you’re in my way! [Outro] [Fast, Broadway-style finale with crashing cymbals] I’m renaming the sun "The Spotlight"! I’m painting the clouds in Iridescent Teal! Everything is an Exhibit! Everyone is a Prop! [Sassy laugh] CURTAIN CALL, EARTH! [Huge orchestral finish] [Sound of a final, triumphant camera shutter click] [End]
