The Inspector General's Secret ©2026 by ContempoJedi [INTRO – snare roll, distant brass] [VERSE 1 – restrained brass, marching pulse] With a saber at his hip, and a scowl on his face, The finest young surgeon, has joined in the race. He’s diminutive, yes, and his voice is quite high, But he’ll cut out your fever, before you can die! Lord Buchan gave letters, the Army gave way, To the sharpest Inspector, the Cape saw that day. He’s dueling at dawn, over slights to his name, While playing a masterful, lifelong game. [CHORUS – full brass, call and response] Oh, he’s the manliest doctor, the Empire has known! KNOWN! KNOWN! With a temper of fire, and a heart made of stone! STONE! STONE! He’s shouting at colonels, and scrubbing the floors, SCRUB THE FLOORS! Winning his battles, and winning his wars! WIN HIS WARS! Keep the curtains all drawn, keep the lighting quite dim, DRAWN! DIM! There’s more to the Doctor, than happens to whim. MORE THAN WHIM! He’s the hero of Science, the pride of the fleet, PRIDE OF THE FLEET! And the greatest deception, that’s ever been sweet! SWEET! SWEET! [VERSE 2 – slightly heavier brass] He demanded clean water, and ventilated wards, While dodging the gossip, and crossing the swords. He performed a Cesarean, first of its kind, With a steady-on hand, and a brilliant-on mind. Forty-six years, in a red-coated sleeve, With never a soul, in the mess to perceive, That the "Gentleman Surgeon", with medals so bright, Was a woman, who’d stolen a man's only right. [BRIDGE – drop brass, minor shift, snare heartbeat] For the skill was the same, and the lives were all saved, By the path that a "misfit", so brilliantly paved. But the moment he died, and the secret was out, The "sane" men of London, began to cry out! They didn’t care much, for the souls he had cured, They only felt "tricked", by the life he endured. If a woman can lead, then the logic is gone, So they buried the truth, and they simply moved on. [FINAL CHORUS – full grotesque brass, louder than before] Oh, he’s the manliest doctor, the Empire has known! KNOWN! KNOWN! With a temper of fire, and a heart made of stone! STONE! STONE! She’s the hero of Science, the pride of the fleet— PRIDE OF THE FLEET! And the greatest deception, that’s ever been sweet! SWEET! SWEET! [OUTRO – drum roll crescendo] A hero in life. A scandal in death. But she held the last laugh... Until her last breath. (Full brass hit + snare roll ending)
