Terms & Conditions - Sunny Side Eye | Funny Song About Unspoken Expectations

[Intro — spoken over sleek synths and finger snaps] Before entering this relationship, friendship, workplace, or casual Tuesday interaction— please review the following terms and conditions. [Backing vocals] Did they read them? [Lead] No. [Backing vocals] Did you send them? [Lead] Also no. [Beat drops] Perfect. [Verse 1] If I help you you’ll appreciate me If I stay late you’ll remember me If I never complain you’ll think I’m easy If I give more you’ll finally see me If I say yes you’ll know I care If I need nothing you’ll always be there Simple little contract clean and neat Only one minor issue— you never got the sheet [Pre-Chorus] I wrote the rules inside my head Signed your name in invisible red Then every time you missed a clause I acted shocked like you broke the law [Chorus] Terms and conditions apply in my mind You agreed to everything without signing a line Unlimited gratitude loyalty for life Read section four: “You must somehow know what I never say out loud at night” Terms and conditions tiny little catch I wrote the whole agreement but forgot to send the attachment [Backing vocals] Attachment missing! [Lead] That explains a lot. [Verse 2] Clause number one: If I lend you money you’ll pay me back Clause number two: If I’m always available you’ll never ask too much of that Clause number three: If I swallow my feelings you’ll magically know that I’m swallowing feelings even though I keep saying: “No, no, seriously, I’m good.” [Backing vocals] She is not good! [Lead] We’ve established this. Clause number four: If I overdeliver you’ll value me more Clause number five: If I become indispensable you will never walk out the door [Pre-Chorus 2] I called it kindness called it loyalty But some of it was fear wearing generosity I gave you things with invisible strings Then got resentful when you couldn’t see them. [Chorus] Terms and conditions apply in my mind You agreed to everything without signing a line Unlimited gratitude loyalty for life Read section four: “You must somehow know what I never say out loud at night” Terms and conditions tiny little catch I wrote the whole agreement but forgot to send the attachment [Post-Chorus — girl-group legal chant] Initial here! Sign below! Promise things you do not know! Witness please! Notarize! [Lead] Why are we notarizing my imagination? [Verse 3 — rhythmic near-rap] Let’s review the contract paragraph B I do too much you automatically see that I am valuable loyal and rare and in exchange you’ll always care No negotiation no conversation just expectation plus imagination Then when reality doesn’t comply I’m in my car going: “Can you believe this guy?” Meanwhile you’re living completely unaware that somewhere in my brain you’re three months behind on emotional rent. [Backing vocals] Past due! [Lead] With penalties. [Bridge — music drops, sincere] Maybe you didn’t betray me Maybe sometimes you did But maybe other times I handed you a role you never knew you had to live Maybe I wanted appreciation but never asked for what I needed Maybe I wanted closeness and thought usefulness would achieve it Maybe I thought being needed meant being loved And maybe that’s why “thank you” never quite felt like enough. [Pause] Because I wasn’t only giving. I was hoping. [Build — drums returning] So new terms. New conditions. Much shorter document. If I need something— I’ll say it. If something hurts— I’ll name it. If I expect payment— I’ll invoice it. If I don’t want to do it— [Backing vocals] What do we say? [Lead] We’ve been practicing this. [All] NO! [Final Chorus — big euphoric pop] Terms and conditions now fit on one page No secret agreements no simmering rage I’ll tell you what matters you tell me what’s true No invisible contract between me and you Terms and conditions finally make sense Honesty upfront costs less than resentment If I give you a gift it comes free and clear If I need something back you’re actually gonna hear Terms and conditions signed knowingly And look at that— communication apparently works better than telepathy. [Backing vocals] Who knew?! [Lead] Therapists, probably. [Outro — fake automated legal voice] By continuing this relationship, both parties acknowledge that: mind-reading services are unavailable, gratitude is appreciated but not legally binding, and unspoken expectations may not be enforced retroactively. [Backing vocals] Accept? [Lead] Accept. [Final hit]