[spoken female contralto: weary, stoic, depleted, matter-of-fact] The power of the narcissist's influence permeates everything with which the child has contact. It becomes automatic for the child to conform to the parent's viewpoint in order to avoid disapproval. Attack or withdrawal. Either response would threaten a child. So the habit of agreeing becomes ingrained. Even grown, we can abandon our own perceptions, our own goals, and join the parent. The childhood habit of conformity has been reactivated. We shift from our own point of view to theirs. And then— we may feel quite out of touch with ourselves without understanding why. Having abandoned our own position, we find ourselves in a no-man's-land. Mental paralysis. Confused submission. The parent calls the shots. And we go along. For some, this happens mainly in the parent's presence. For others, the pattern goes on throughout life— in response to the parent within us, and the parent still outside.
