🇬🇧 THE WEEKEND FROM HELL — OI, WHAT A TURNAROUND! [INTRO — SPOKEN, THICK COCKNEY ACCENT] Right, well, this is gonna be a load of bollocks, innit? It's Friday, I'm skint, I'm knackered, I'm done. Can't be arsed with anyone. Stick the kettle on, shut the curtains… And tell the bloody world to sod off! [VERSE 1 — CHEEKY, SARCASTIC] Woke up this morning, everything went wrong, Stepped on me trousers while putting 'em on. Tea went cold and the toast was black, Even me bloody luck said, “I'm not coming back!” The bus drove past, it was raining again, Some bloke nicked me seat on the train. Mate sent a message: “Pub tonight, geezer?” I said, “Not a chance, mate. I'd rather get a freezer!” [PRE-CHORUS — BUILDING UP] Then there's a knock, and who's at the door? Three daft mates yelling, “GET YERSELF OUT, YOU BORE!” I said, “Leave me alone, I'm having a strop!” They said, “Get yer coat, mate — we're going to the pub!” [CHORUS — MASSIVE BRITISH GANG VOCALS] OI! OI! THIS WEEKEND'S A DISGRACE! THEN WE TURNED THE WHOLE BLOODY THING INTO A BLAST! FROM A MISERABLE GIT WITH A FACE LIKE A MOP, TO THE KING OF THE DANCE FLOOR — AND I CAN'T EVEN HOP! OI! OI! GET THE WHOLE BLOODY CREW! I WAS READY TO MOAN, NOW I'M SHOUTING WITH YOU! I THOUGHT THIS WEEKEND WOULD BE ABSOLUTE PAIN— NOW I'M PRAYING THAT MONDAY GETS CANCELLED AGAIN! [VERSE 2 — BRITISH PUB CHAOS] Down at the local, the banter was flowing, Old Barry's explaining what nobody's knowing. Kev's telling a story we've heard forty times, And Dave's doing karaoke, murdering the rhymes! Somebody shouted, “One more round, lads!” Now everyone's laughing like absolute madmen. A bloke in the corner's conducting the band With a packet of crisps and a pint in his hand! The landlord's laughing, the jukebox is loud, Someone's uncle's dancing and embarrassing the crowd. I came in miserable, grumpy and blue— Now I'm leading a conga with the whole bloody crew! [BRIDGE — MUSIC STOPS] [SPOKEN — THICK COCKNEY ACCENT] Hang on a minute… Wasn't I supposed to be having the worst weekend ever? Well, I'll be buggered. Someone get the kettle on tomorrow. We're doing this again. [FINAL CHORUS — HUGE GUITARS, CROWD CHANTS] OI! OI! THIS WEEKEND'S A LEGEND! STARTED OUT MISERABLE, NOW IT'S BLOODY HEAVEN! WE'VE HAD A RIGHT LAUGH, AND WE'RE STILL ON OUR FEET— WELL, MOST OF US ARE… BARRY'S ASLEEP IN THE STREET! OI! OI! LET THE WHOLE PUB SING! LIFE'S A RIGHT MESS, BUT TONIGHT WE'RE KINGS! I WANTED TO HIDE AND TELL EVERYONE NO— NOW I'M SHOUTING, “YOU WHAT, MATE? ONE MORE GO!” [OUTRO — SPOKEN, LAUGHING] Best weekend of me bloody life. And to think I nearly stayed in. Absolute muppet. Right, who's putting the kettle on? SAME TIME NEXT FRIDAY, YOU BEAUTIFUL BUNCH OF IDIOTS! [FINAL CROWD CHANT] OI! OI! OI! OI! THAT'S BLOODY BRITAIN, THAT IS!
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