Warehouse Feedback — The Old Stuff log 3

Peace among worlds ent

garage rock, alt jazz-rock

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V4.5-ALL

[SCENE — WFYC RADIO STUDIO]
[sound: radio static, warehouse hum, distant forklifts, office chatter]

[ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host]
You're listening to WFYC Radio.

This is...

Warehouse Feedback.

Taking calls from the floor.

Stories, questions, and memories from around the warehouse.

[sound: radio click]

[TARZ: Male, calm therapist]
Good afternoon.

I'm Tarz.

[JACQUES: Male, blunt realist]
I'm Jacques.

[TARZ]
And joining us today...

Someone who somehow remembers things nobody else does.

[JACQUES]
The warehouse historian.

[LAIZER BEAM: Female, calm sarcastic veteran]
That's not my job title.

[JACQUES]
Nobody said it was.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Good.

[TARZ]
Welcome, Laizer Beam.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Thank you.

Let's take some calls.

[sound: phone rings]

---

[CALLER 1: Male, curious warehouse worker]
Hey, Laizer?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yeah?

[CALLER 1]
Do you remember the old breakroom?

[pause]

[JACQUES]
That's a dangerous question.

[CALLER 1]
Why?

[JACQUES]
Because she probably does.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yes.

[CALLER 1]
Really?

What happened to it?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Expansion.

[CALLER 1]
When?

[LAIZER BEAM]
A while ago.

[CALLER 1]
That's not a date.

[LAIZER BEAM]
No.

It's a warehouse answer.

[TARZ]
How did you remember it?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Because everyone complained when it moved.

[JACQUES]
People remember change.

[CALLER 1]
I thought I was the only one who remembered that room.

[LAIZER BEAM]
No.

Everyone remembers the room.

They just remember different reasons.

[CALLER 1]
That's actually true.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[sound: guitar riff, phone rings]

[CALLER 2: Female, curious warehouse worker]
I have a question about the old forklifts.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Which ones?

[CALLER 2]
The older ones.

Before the current models.

[JACQUES]
That narrows it down slightly.

[CALLER 2]
The blue ones.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Those had issues.

[CALLER 2]
How do you know?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Because everyone knew.

[CALLER 2]
Were they really that bad?

[JACQUES]
Depends who you ask.

[LAIZER BEAM]
The maintenance department has an answer.

[CALLER 2]
And you?

[LAIZER BEAM]
I have several.

[TARZ]
Would you like to share?

[LAIZER BEAM]
No.

[JACQUES]
Fair.

[CALLER 2]
I heard people liked those forklifts.

[LAIZER BEAM]
People get attached to things they use every day.

[TARZ]
Even machines.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Especially machines that made strange noises.

[sound: caller laughs]

[CALLER 2]
That's exactly why I called.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host]
Warehouse Feedback.

The line is open.

[sound: phone rings]

---

[CALLER 3: Male, curious warehouse worker]
Okay.

I need to know.

Do you remember the old scanners?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yes.

[CALLER 3]
The ones before the touchscreen ones?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yes.

[CALLER 3]
Were they better?

[pause]

[LAIZER BEAM]
No.

[JACQUES]
Fast answer.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Accurate answer.

[CALLER 3]
Everyone says the old ones were better.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Everyone remembers what they liked.

They forget what they hated.

[TARZ]
That's an interesting observation.

[LAIZER BEAM]
The batteries were worse.

The screens were worse.

The connections were worse.

[CALLER 3]
You really remember all that?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yes.

[CALLER 3]
Why?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Because I used them.

[JACQUES]
There it is.

[CALLER 3]
Fair enough.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[sound: phone rings]

[CALLER 4: Female, skeptical warehouse worker]
Can I ask something?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Yes.

[CALLER 4]
Are you actually a supervisor?

[pause]

[JACQUES]
There it is.

[TARZ]
The question returns.

[LAIZER BEAM]
No.

[CALLER 4]
Really?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Really.

[CALLER 4]
Then how do you know about all this?

[LAIZER BEAM]
I was there.

[CALLER 4]
For all of it?

[LAIZER BEAM]
Enough of it.

[JACQUES]
She's been to more orientations than most people have attended birthdays.

[TARZ]
She listens.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Someone has to.

[CALLER 4]
That's kind of impressive.

[LAIZER BEAM]
It's mostly sitting in meetings.

[JACQUES]
The secret skill.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Taking notes.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[BRIDGE]
[sound: quiet radio hum, warehouse ambience]

[TARZ]
Every workplace has a history.

[JACQUES]
Most people only remember pieces.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Someone remembers the whole thing.

[TARZ]
Old equipment.

Old rooms.

Old stories.

[JACQUES]
And old paperwork.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Mostly paperwork.

---

[FINAL SEGMENT]
[sound: phone rings]

[ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host]
Last call.

[sound: phone click]

[CALLER 5: Male, curious warehouse worker]
Just wanted to say...

It's weird that the cats know more about this place than everyone else.

[pause]

[JACQUES]
We're not discussing that.

[TARZ]
Thank you for your feedback.

[LAIZER BEAM]
Next question.

[sound: guitar riff]

[ANNOUNCER]
This has been Warehouse Feedback.

WFYC Radio.

Still listening.

[sound: radio static fades]

4890/7500

[SCENE — WFYC RADIO STUDIO] [sound: radio static, warehouse hum, distant forklifts, office chatter] [ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host] You're listening to WFYC Radio. This is... Warehouse Feedback. Taking calls from the floor. Stories, questions, and memories from around the warehouse. [sound: radio click] [TARZ: Male, calm therapist] Good afternoon. I'm Tarz. [JACQUES: Male, blunt realist] I'm Jacques. [TARZ] And joining us today... Someone who somehow remembers things nobody else does. [JACQUES] The warehouse historian. [LAIZER BEAM: Female, calm sarcastic veteran] That's not my job title. [JACQUES] Nobody said it was. [LAIZER BEAM] Good. [TARZ] Welcome, Laizer Beam. [LAIZER BEAM] Thank you. Let's take some calls. [sound: phone rings] --- [CALLER 1: Male, curious warehouse worker] Hey, Laizer? [LAIZER BEAM] Yeah? [CALLER 1] Do you remember the old breakroom? [pause] [JACQUES] That's a dangerous question. [CALLER 1] Why? [JACQUES] Because she probably does. [LAIZER BEAM] Yes. [CALLER 1] Really? What happened to it? [LAIZER BEAM] Expansion. [CALLER 1] When? [LAIZER BEAM] A while ago. [CALLER 1] That's not a date. [LAIZER BEAM] No. It's a warehouse answer. [TARZ] How did you remember it? [LAIZER BEAM] Because everyone complained when it moved. [JACQUES] People remember change. [CALLER 1] I thought I was the only one who remembered that room. [LAIZER BEAM] No. Everyone remembers the room. They just remember different reasons. [CALLER 1] That's actually true. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [sound: guitar riff, phone rings] [CALLER 2: Female, curious warehouse worker] I have a question about the old forklifts. [LAIZER BEAM] Which ones? [CALLER 2] The older ones. Before the current models. [JACQUES] That narrows it down slightly. [CALLER 2] The blue ones. [LAIZER BEAM] Those had issues. [CALLER 2] How do you know? [LAIZER BEAM] Because everyone knew. [CALLER 2] Were they really that bad? [JACQUES] Depends who you ask. [LAIZER BEAM] The maintenance department has an answer. [CALLER 2] And you? [LAIZER BEAM] I have several. [TARZ] Would you like to share? [LAIZER BEAM] No. [JACQUES] Fair. [CALLER 2] I heard people liked those forklifts. [LAIZER BEAM] People get attached to things they use every day. [TARZ] Even machines. [LAIZER BEAM] Especially machines that made strange noises. [sound: caller laughs] [CALLER 2] That's exactly why I called. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host] Warehouse Feedback. The line is open. [sound: phone rings] --- [CALLER 3: Male, curious warehouse worker] Okay. I need to know. Do you remember the old scanners? [LAIZER BEAM] Yes. [CALLER 3] The ones before the touchscreen ones? [LAIZER BEAM] Yes. [CALLER 3] Were they better? [pause] [LAIZER BEAM] No. [JACQUES] Fast answer. [LAIZER BEAM] Accurate answer. [CALLER 3] Everyone says the old ones were better. [LAIZER BEAM] Everyone remembers what they liked. They forget what they hated. [TARZ] That's an interesting observation. [LAIZER BEAM] The batteries were worse. The screens were worse. The connections were worse. [CALLER 3] You really remember all that? [LAIZER BEAM] Yes. [CALLER 3] Why? [LAIZER BEAM] Because I used them. [JACQUES] There it is. [CALLER 3] Fair enough. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [sound: phone rings] [CALLER 4: Female, skeptical warehouse worker] Can I ask something? [LAIZER BEAM] Yes. [CALLER 4] Are you actually a supervisor? [pause] [JACQUES] There it is. [TARZ] The question returns. [LAIZER BEAM] No. [CALLER 4] Really? [LAIZER BEAM] Really. [CALLER 4] Then how do you know about all this? [LAIZER BEAM] I was there. [CALLER 4] For all of it? [LAIZER BEAM] Enough of it. [JACQUES] She's been to more orientations than most people have attended birthdays. [TARZ] She listens. [LAIZER BEAM] Someone has to. [CALLER 4] That's kind of impressive. [LAIZER BEAM] It's mostly sitting in meetings. [JACQUES] The secret skill. [LAIZER BEAM] Taking notes. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [BRIDGE] [sound: quiet radio hum, warehouse ambience] [TARZ] Every workplace has a history. [JACQUES] Most people only remember pieces. [LAIZER BEAM] Someone remembers the whole thing. [TARZ] Old equipment. Old rooms. Old stories. [JACQUES] And old paperwork. [LAIZER BEAM] Mostly paperwork. --- [FINAL SEGMENT] [sound: phone rings] [ANNOUNCER: Female, confident radio host] Last call. [sound: phone click] [CALLER 5: Male, curious warehouse worker] Just wanted to say... It's weird that the cats know more about this place than everyone else. [pause] [JACQUES] We're not discussing that. [TARZ] Thank you for your feedback. [LAIZER BEAM] Next question. [sound: guitar riff] [ANNOUNCER] This has been Warehouse Feedback. WFYC Radio. Still listening. [sound: radio static fades]

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