All rights reserved. Copyright © 2026 suno.com/@asukachatmusic I still walk up to the gate Like somethings waiting there for me Like the years have all been wrong somehow And I finally get to leave The chain hangs where it always did The lock still catches in the cold The road beyond is clear enough To count the ruts and worn out holes I stand there longer than I should Hand against the steel Trying to remember why That road used to mean so much to me Somewhere between the searching And all the nights I couldnt sleep Something started slipping And I dont think it was the key I am so tired of reaching For something that isnt there So tired of checking pockets Like the answer might appear I can see beyond the gate I can see where I would go But every year I spend in here Makes it harder to let go I found an old notebook yesterday The paper worn and pale with age Every page was filled with plans Written by a younger hand Every page talked about leaving Every page mapped out a reason I barely recognized the writing But I knew the date beside it I sat there with those pages For almost half the night Trying to understand Where that person left my life I used to think persistence Could wear through anything Now I look at that old notebook And it reads like make believe I am so tired of reaching For something that isnt there So tired of checking pockets Like the answer might appear I can see beyond the gate I can see where I would go But every year I spend in here Makes it harder to let go The part that keeps me awake Isnt the gate Isnt the lock Isnt even the key Its wondering how long ago I stopped believing Id find it I know every bolt Every chain Every mark worked in the stone Know every turn Every wall Every mile Ive walked alone Know every room Every shelf Every box Ive torn apart Know every lie Ive fed myself To keep another day from falling hard Keep looking Keep digging Keep searching Keep moving Thats what I told myself Year after year after year Till the words lost meaning Now Im picking through memories Like somebody hid the proof Pulling apart old winters Old jackets Old boots Old drawers Old letters Old habits Old fears Nothing in the cupboards Nothing in the floorboards Nothing in the letters Nothing in the corners Nothing where it should have been And thats what gets beneath my skin Not the gate Not the chain Not the lock The fact I gave this place everything Every plan Every promise Every piece of me that thought persistence mattered And still I stand here Still checking Still searching Still staring through steel At a road I know better Than the lines across my palms I am so tired of reaching For something that isnt there So tired of carrying questions That go nowhere I can see beyond the gate I can see where I would go But lately what scares me most Is how little I seem to know Because the key is not the only thing I failed to hold on to Theres a version of me Somewhere back along these roads And I dont think Shes coming back too
