[Intro – spoken, Jamaican male] Ayo, mercenary… listen careful, seen? Dis operation is of extreme importance to de Potato Festival. Do not laugh. Dis is official business. De Banana Gang must be stopped. [Verse 1 – female] Easy Convoy on the cracked highway Locked crate glowing in a very weird way Whimsy Golden Bananas packed inside Why they’re whimsical? Nobody can decide Festival committee says they’re vital somehow Don’t ask questions, just blow it up now Two bananas rolling through the dust A mission built entirely on blind trust [Chorus] Banana Convoys, riding tonight Armed men dying for potassium rights Banana Convoys, rolling down the line Every objective sounds like a lie Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male] Good, good… but now we have a slippery situation, mon. De Medium Convoy transportin’ two Mystery Banana Peels. Apparently… dem peels have powers. No one has tested dis because everyone involved has basic survival instincts. [Verse 2 – female] Medium Convoy, bad suspension squeal Guarding two enchanted banana peels Not ordinary trash, not common waste This is magical garbage in an armored case Why the festival needs them? Still unclear But nobody in charge is acting weird “Recover the peel before accidents begin” That’s the kind of order I’m apparently in [Chorus] Banana Convoys, riding tonight Armed men dying for potassium rights Banana Convoys, rolling down the line Every objective sounds like a lie Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male] Now de matter turns serious. De Hard Convoy carryin’ de Mysterious Banana Seed. Some say it can grow a legendary grove. Others say it is just… radiation in seed form. Either way, de festival demands it. [Verse 3 – female] Hard Convoy grinding like the end of days Seed of Destiny in a lead-lined case Could grow bananas forever and more Could melt your eyebrows right off to the floor No one knows and no one checked That has not stopped the budget being spent One tiny seed and a battlefield wide For possible fruit-based genocide [Chorus] Banana Convoys, riding tonight Armed men dying for potassium rights Banana Convoys, rolling down the line Every objective sounds like a lie Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male] Brace yourself, mon. De Banana Gang has assembled deir finest idiots. Dey are escorting de legendary Banana Split. Half dessert, half relic, all ridiculous. You need three of dem. Yes, really. [Verse 4 – female] Expert Convoy tearing up the lane Sugar-crazed champions clinically insane Heavy guard and a fortified shell Protecting a dessert from tactical hell Inside the freezer, under lock and light Sat the sacred Split of appetite Three of them stacked like a holy prize While grown men fired rifles for ice cream supplies [Chorus] [Chorus] Banana Convoys, riding tonight Armed men dying for potassium rights Banana Convoys, rolling down the line Every objective sounds like a lie Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male, awkwardly serious] Final assignment… and mi apologize in advance. One lieutenant is carryin’ de Banana “Anal” Beacon. No one wants to discuss why it is named dat. Rumor says it is hidden… where de sun does not shine. Recover four. Maintain professionalism. [Verse 5 – female] Lieutenant sprinting with a haunted face Like he’d made some terrible life choice in haste The file said “beacon,” the squad said “why?” Nobody looked him straight in the eye Some devices should not be lore Some objects should not exist in war But I found four and I took them back Without inspecting the point of attack [Bridge – female] For the committee For the spuds For the men with banana blood For the seed For the peel For objectives that don’t feel real [Final Chorus – female, bigger] Banana Convoys, riding tonight Armed men dying for potassium rights Banana Convoys, rolling down the line Every objective sounds like a lie Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME Banana Convoys, one last ride With cursed produce on my side If this whole festival ends mankind At least I completed every quest on time Nothing makes sense but the paycheck’s fine So I’m committing - BANANA CRIME [Outro – spoken, Jamaican male] Outstanding work, mercenary. De Potato Festival has been preserved. De bananas are secure. De beacon has been… unfortunately recovered. Please collect your reward and ask no further questions.
