Welcome to tonight's session. I spent six months on this campaign. I sent you all the lore document. .... Nobody read the lore document. The DM built a villain with a ten-page backstory a crumbling empire, a prophecy of glory hand-painted maps, NPCs with scars and names and the party burned the tavern in the opening frames The cleric's in the bathroom, he's been gone a while the rogue just robbed the party with a smile the wizard cast Fireball down a ten-foot hall and the fighter punched the allied general in the jaw SAVING THROW AGAINST INSANITY the DM's crying where you cannot see SAVING THROW AGAINST STUPIDITY rolled a natural one, as it was meant to be "Can I seduce the dragon?" asks the bard "Technically... yes," says the DM, off-guard rolls a natural twenty, dragon's heart is won the six-year campaign arc is already done The ranger has a trauma tied to goblin kind but every single enemy is goblin - every time the paladin just broke his oath for "reasons unclear" "it felt like the right move" - it's only session three SAVING THROW AGAINST INSANITY the DM's crying where you cannot see SAVING THROW AGAINST STUPIDITY rolled a natural one, as it was meant to be "Wait, can I do a thing real quick?" "It's not your turn." "But I want to do the thing." "IT'S NOT YOUR TURN." "Ok but what if hypothetically---" "SIT. DOWN." The die rolled off the table landed somewhere near the wall nobody saw the number but it was obviously a twenty obviously don't even argue it counts The DM had a story full of moral grey of love and loss and empires in decay but the party missed the plot hook, missed the clues and now they run a goat farm - by choice, with great reviews Yes. A goat farm. In the city they were sworn to save. The villain won on Tuesday. They named their favorite goat "The Chosen Brave." SAVING THROW AGAINST INSANITY the DM's crying where you cannot see SAVING THROW AGAINST STUPIDITY rolled a natural one, as it was meant to be And at the end of every session everyone says "that was great, that was fun" the DM smiles and nods along then quietly burns everything they've done Next session is in two weeks from now nobody will remember what took place someone will show up with the wrong character sheet and we'll all start over - same time, same place NEXT WEEK SAME TIME SAME SPOT BRING YOUR DICE AND BRING YOUR SNACKS AND FOR THE LOVE OF BAHAMUT READ THE LORE THIS TIME ...they won't read the lore.
