Intro] (spoken → shouted) Roll call! Eight legs up! One-two-three-four—GOOOOOO !!!! [Verse 1] Boots on the table, helmets made of crumbs, Tiny little generals banging tiny little drums. Web-line tight, marching clean across the kitchen floor, You wanted peace and quiet—now you’ve got a spider war. They stole a pepper flake, they stole a taco shell, Now the whole damn pantry’s turning into battlefield hell. Hey! (hey!) Look! (look!) They’re saluting with a fork! [Pre-Chorus] Shhh—hear the strings go *skank*, Brass goes “bah!” like a tank. If you blink, they’re in your chair— Eight-legged chaos everywhere! [Chorus] (big hook) Spiders are going to war—HEY! Marching in a conga down the hallway! Spiders are going to war—HEY! Tiny little rage with a big parade! Raise that web, bang that drum, Here they come, here they come— Spiders are going to war—HEY! And they’re winning anyway! [Verse 2] One’s got a toothpick like a sword, two olives for a shield, Another rides a bottle cap, refuses to yield. They chant in squeaky battle talk, they mean it, yes they do, And Grandpa Spider’s yelling, “KIDS—WE FIGHT AT TWO!” They set a trap by the salsa, they flank the guacamole, They’re brave, they’re bold, they’re slightly too holy. Uh-oh… (uh-oh…) Your snack is now a front line. [Pre-Chorus] (faster) Skank it left, skank it right, Spider squad is out tonight. If you hear a tiny “rah!” That’s your warning, ha-ha-ha! [Chorus] Spiders are going to war—HEY! Marching in a conga down the hallway! Spiders are going to war—HEY! Tiny little rage with a big parade! Raise that web, bang that drum, Here they come, here they come— Spiders are going to war—HEY! And they’re winning anyway! [Bridge] (half-time, spoken → scream) General Spinner says: “No mercy… for the crumbs!” Then the whole brigade goes— (SCREAM) WAAAR! [Breakdown] (callouts) Who’s going to war? (Spiders!) Who’s got eight legs? (Spiders!) Who stole your lunch? (Spiders!) Who’s in your bed?! (SPIDERS!) [Ska Guitar / Brass Solo] (quick and silly) [Final Chorus] (biggest, crowd shouts + short screams) Spiders are going to war—HEY! Marching in a conga down the hallway! Spiders are going to war—HEY! Tiny little rage with a big parade! Raise that web, bang that drum, Here they come, here they come— Spiders are going to war—HEY! (SCREAM) GO! GO! GO! [Outro] (spoken, then laugh) It’s over… Wait—why is it still moving? (ha!)
