BELLMERE BRATS [Intro – spoken, mock documentary voice] Ladies and gentlemen… An extraordinary new art movement has emerged overnight in Bellmere. Critics are calling it… “What the bloody hell is that?” [Verse 1] Three little footprints Dancing through the dew, Sneaking through the schoolyard With important work to do. Found themselves a garden shed — Oh, what a lucky break! Didn’t even bring their own supplies… The school supplied the paint. Green across the brickwork, Masterpieces wall to wall. Such extraordinary talent… For drawing absolutely bugger all. [Pre-Chorus] Banksy, mate, retire now, There’s competition in the town. A squiggle here, A rude bit there… Stand back! We’ve got artists everywhere. [Chorus] Oh, the Bellmere Brats, Look at that! Picasso would’ve handed back his hat. Paint the wall, Trash the place, Then disappear without a trace. But here’s the bit Our artists missed: Someone has to clean up this. So when they find Our little stars… Hand ’em brushes. Hand ’em rags. Welcome back, Bellmere Brats. [Verse 2] Paper through the gardens, Equipment on the ground. Storage shed wide open — Treasures scattered all around. They found the paint, They found the walls, They found creative bliss. Apparently nobody ever taught them: “Don’t bloody do this.” And somewhere early morning Someone gets the lovely chore Of photographing every masterpiece… Then photographing forty more. [Pre-Chorus] Funny thing about destruction: Five minutes feels like fun. Cleaning up the aftermath? That’s when the work’s begun. [Chorus] Oh, the Bellmere Brats, Look at that! Michelangelo’s trembling where he’s sat. Green on bricks, Green on walls, Apparently subtle wasn’t called. But here’s the bit Our artists missed: Someone has to clean up this. So when they find Our little stars… Hand ’em brushes. Hand ’em rags. Welcome back, Bellmere Brats. [Bridge – mock courtroom] All rise! For the crime of crimes Against good taste… The court hereby sentences you To restoration of the place. Supervised. Bucket. Brush. Scrub. Repeat. Every wall you decorated… You can help make neat. And as for phones and gaming? Hmm… The court has had a think. Six months technologically challenged. Go outside. You’ll survive. We think. [Breakdown] No TikTok. WHAT?! No gaming. NO! No scrolling. YOU CAN’T! Six whole months… Perhaps you’ll learn to… TALK! Or read. Or walk. Or kick a ball. Or discover that a garden shed… Isn’t an art supply mall. [Final Chorus] Oh, the Bellmere Brats, Remember that! Your footprints even signed your little act. You made the mess, So here’s the deal: Come discover how cleanup feels. Not revenge. Not shame. Not hate. Just consequences With a bucket and paint. Because respect gets learned When responsibility starts. One scrub at a time… For the Bellmere Brats! [Outro – spoken] Next exhibition? Maybe try paper. It’s cheaper. It’s removable. And… your mum can put it on the fridge.
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